Posted on 09/28/2023 1:05:46 PM PDT by grundle
PHILADELPHIA, PA — According to sources, the city of Philadelphia is being plagued by looters stealing from liquor stores, electronics stores, and shoe stores. Reports indicate the looters are noble impoverished people just trying to find bread to feed their children.
"I'm just out here trying to feed my kids!" said 17-year-old Dontel Mayes to reporters while beating a security guard to death with a brick. "I've smashed up 7 Gamestop stores so far, and haven't found any bread for the wife and 12 kids, so I guess I have to settle for this game system and a copy of Madden 24."
Another group of impoverished persons expressed similar disappointment after breaking into a liquor store, murdering the shopkeeper, drinking all the alcohol, and burning the place down. "They didn't have any bread here!" mourned a 380-pound single mother as she lit up a bottle of 192-proof and tossed it through the entrance. "Oh, if only some kind soul would help me find some bread before I starve!"
Upon hearing the news, Congresswoman AOC visited Philadelphia to cry in front of the ransacked stores and condemn them for their cruel lack of bread. "We live in a food desert. The least these Nike stores could do is carry some nutritious whole-grain bread to feed these starving people!" she said.
At publishing time, President Biden had expressed solidarity with the poor bread-seeking people and promised to address their plight by sending them a free pre-filled mail-in ballot for Democrats next November.
Bet they weren’t work boots that got stolen.
On a serious note, if Apple decides to restock their Apple Store that was emptied, they deserve to have their product stolen. It is my understanding that Apple can brick all of the devices that were stolen if they attempt to activate them, but the fact remains manufactured product has been lost.
They were just shopping without money.
Just wait until these ghetto mobs find out how easy it is to loot a grocery store. Just go out into the burbs and go at it. Stores train their employees to not interfere durin shoplifting or looting.
“Pre filled mail in ballot.”
Love it.
LOL
LOL
Rooftop Koreans. All I’m saying.
Has anyone tried the Philly Cheese iPhone 15? I heard it’s delicious but hard on the teef...
Stupid negroes don’t know that you can’t get bread in an Apple Store. /s
Cute to watch, but keep in mind that they’ll have to soon move out of LaHood as they run out of IDIOTS that still have stores open there.
"wife". That's funny, right there!
No bookstores were looted.
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