New Study Finds Bizarre Connection Between Being Liberal And Having Giant, Googly Eyes

Babylon Bee ^ | June 24, 2023 | Babylon Bee

[Retain Mike]

U.S. — After scanning thousands of photographs and cross-referencing facial features with political affiliation, researchers have discovered a bizarre connection between being liberal and have enormous, googly eyes.

"Why? Why do they all look so insane?," wondered lead researcher Dr. Michael Zorn. "Man, those are googly eyes. These pictures are going to keep me up at night."

According to sources on the team, the shocking connection became immediately apparent as soon as they began reviewing pictures of liberals. "I honestly screamed when I flipped over the first picture and saw Hillary's psycho eyes," said assistant Jamie Reynolds. "I flipped to the next picture and screamed again — it looked like Schiff's eyes were bulging off the page. Next was the AOC picture, which I still can't believe is real. We had obviously found something."

While other facial features showed no association with any political leaning, possessing crazy eyes demonstrated a consistent, strong correlation with being liberal. "The connection is undeniable," reported Dr. Zorn. "Still, we can only speculate as to which comes first, having the googly eyes or becoming liberal. It's a real mystery."

At publishing time, the team had decided to do something far more important for society, like determine if conservative women are hotter than liberal women.

[Retain Mike]

It makes perfect sense if you have seen Men in Black.

[Parley Baer]

Adam Shiff comes to mind.

[Impala64ssa]

🎶 Eye of the tiger 🎶 😛🤪🤪🤡🤡🤡🤡

[Leaning Right]

Years ago Christopher Walken did some ground-breaking research on googly eyes. I wonder if this latest study was an extension of Walken’s work.

[salmon76]

[Yo-Yo]

Years ago Christopher Walken did some ground-breaking research on googly eyes. I wonder if this latest study was an extension of Walken’s work.

We stand on the Googly Eyes of Giants...

I wonder how Liberal Igor was?

[Signalman]

SCIENCE: White Libs More Likely To Have Mental Health Problems

Majority of young white female libs have a diagnosed mental health condition, according to Pew Research

https://freebeacon.com/politics/white-libs-mental-health/

[kiryandil]

Anna Merlan, Vice Magazine, who featured in Tucker Carlson's latest episode 6:

With the goog-goog-googly eyes...

[citizen]

I agree. Definitely move on to a hot women study. With photo evidence...

[Beowulf9]

For those who've been around for a while on FR there was many a hilarious comment and even a riot of a photoshopped pic of Jennifer Wilbanks and her googly eyes on the blanket she hid under when found (the runaway bride story) I'm still laughing at that one. Wish I could find it. Wilbanks was a bizarre liberal alright. With googly eyes to boot.

[cweese]

[Dr. Sivana]

The problem is that Barney Google himself is no lefty, ask Snuffy Smith of Hootin’ Holler.

[skr]

Bette Davis was a Democrat and Angela Lansbury was a socialist. The Bee might be closer to the truth than to satire this time.

[z3n]

[z3n]

[jdt1138]

AKA “Crazy Eyes.”

[fidelis]

[Albion Wilde]