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Written this afternoon. I promise I won’t quit my day job.

Dad sat me down when I was four.
He said, “Son, here’s what that harmonica’s for:
Stick it up here, and if you toot real fast,
It improves the sound when you’re passing gas.”

Dad sat me down when I was four.
He said, “Son, here’s what that guitar’s for:
Take this gasoline and take this match,
And watch that fire make quick dispatch.”

Dad sat me down when I was four.
He said, “Son, here’s what those drums are for:
When you’re fourteen and you want to beat off,
The rhythmn you learned will help you boff.”

Dad sat me down when I was four.
He said, Son, here’s what that piano is for:
Strike the keys with skill and grace,
And don’t ever take up harmonica, guitar, or drums.”