Perhaps she'll learn one of these days that every day is a gift.
Posted on 06/06/2023 4:30:40 PM PDT by DallasBiff
Dear Jane,
I feel like an awful person for saying this but, I don't want my bridesmaid's autistic son to come to my wedding because I'm panicking that he's going to ruin what is meant to be my special, once-in-a-lifetime day
Dear Bewildered Bride,
Huge congratulations to you on your wedding, which I imagine you may have dreamed about for a long time. Of course you want it to be a perfect day and I am sorry you find yourself in what feels like an impossible situation. Any of us who know people raising children with autism know how very challenging it can be.
We also know that children with autism often get overwhelmed by new situations, new people, over-stimulation, and crowds. In fact, an occasion like a wedding would seem to be something that is likely to prove very problematic. International best-selling author offers sage advice on DailyMail.com readers' most burning issues in her weekly Dear Jane agony aunt column
.
I think there are two options here, given that I don't know the finer details. You have already said that you can't accommodate him, which isn't leading to the result you want. Your first option is to keep this boundary firm, for it is supposed to be the one day of the year where you get to dictate what you want
(Excerpt) Read more at dailymail.co.uk ...
It almost happened!
Perhaps she'll learn one of these days that every day is a gift.
What is the groom’s take or did she ask ? 😂
If other kids are invited so is he. The bridesmaid needs to have someone along to care for him though. She has other responsibilities that day.
She may also want to take advantage of the opportunity to have a nice to herself.
We were in a hotel the other night. About 2 am there were lots of loud screams coming from the adjoining room. It was a child. At first I was worried then realized it was clearly a special needs kid who was clearly overwhelmed.
After an hour or so she stopped. Must have gotten exhausted. I felt bad for her parents.
Oh no! She says he has to go...go, go, Bridezilla! Ooooooooooh!
My wife cousin’s bride tried to smash the cake in her matron of honor’s face as a twist on the old prank between the bride and groom. Unfortunately for her, the matron of honor caught her hand on the way toward her, flipped the bride on the floor and mopped her back and forth on the floor in the cake mess. It was a pretty stunning scene.
Note to brides: Don’t try pranks on people that outweigh you by 100 pounds or so. It won’t end well.
It doesn't sound like this was brought up "just prior to the wedding." The wedding is this summer and they decided early on not to allow children, and she feels her friend has had "ample time" to make arrangements for childcare. The friend is asking repeatedly for permission to bring the child who is known to be disruptive at major events.
“In Spain, it is cultural to include complete families - including all kids - at weddings.”
True, and not just in Spain. However, its a community occasion, and it’s certainly not all about the bride.
That would be a pretty funny parody song. Are you listening, Weird Al?!
Doesn’t bother me. If it bothers other people, they can just skip past it. What’s the big deal?
OF COURSE I have followed our long standing and time honored tradition of not reading the whole article — if children in general have not been invited and the Brides Maid has ignored it because everything is special for he kid, then she is more to blame in this situation.
I am not sympathetic to the parent of the autistic child.
I used to teach special needs children. Why would a parent even want to put their child in that environment??? Kid will be lit like a firework!
On the other hand, since we don't know the mother's personal situation, it's difficult to determine if she has relatives who would be able to care for the child. So it seems reasonable that this should have come up when the bride asked the mother to be a bridesmaid, not just before the wedding. It's not like you invite strangers to stand up at your wedding.
Asking your friend repeatedly to allow her autistic child to attend when she can’t give him any attention to mitigate his potential disaster probably means she never intended to leave him behind with any sitters and relied on rolling over her friend who was close enough to her to ask her to be bridesmaid. So manipulation. When you let manipulators succeed, you deserve what you get. So hope the bride can keep her spine in place and say no. Screaming children should never be part of any situation involving other people. If the parents can’t control them, throw out the children AND their parents.
A once in a lifetime deal? Pffft…more than likely she will be divorced in a few years after she’s had a few pups. Take half or more of hubby’s shit and then wind up with another one just to do the same again.
I have to agree with the bride. A wedding is not the place to bring an autistic child. The situation would likely be frightening and stressful for the autistic child and thus possibly causing them to be disruptive.
You and I see this the same way. Classic manipulation, especially since she called her friend a bridezilla. Truthfully, mom should know that her autistic child cannot attend. It would really be a poor decision; terrible for the kid, her, and the bride and groom. The bride needs to keep her spine, and if this means she loses a friend, so be it. The friend thinks that the wedding is her big day.
The sympathy for the mother is that she never asked for the situation of having an autistic child. And she didn’t take a way out. She’s staying a mother. But she must often be at her wits end and looking for outside help to give her relief. But her sense of empathy is totally lacking if she expects relief for her at the cost of her friend’s potentially ruined wedding. It probably means she’s not a good friend and not a big loss.
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