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The Chicago Police Department Launch an Investigation (Satire)
4/20/2023 | Nikos1121

Posted on 04/20/2023 5:46:52 AM PDT by nikos1121

The Chicago Police Department launched an investigation into how officers responded to violence that broke out late Saturday during a large gathering of young people in the city’s downtown tourism district.

The investigation comes after a viral video showed a mob attacking a couple as they exited a Loop store and it follows allegations of police inaction.


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Humor; Local News
KEYWORDS: chicago; comedy; satire
I'm a Free Republic Member and happened to be at Precinct One when the interrogation of the two officers took place. Here's a transcript:

INVESTIGATING OFFICER #1: So, let me see if I understand this. The two of you arrived on the scene. Hundreds of teenagers are running down Michigan Avenue yelling death to cops, death to whiteys, death to whatever. You see cars, buses burning and young people kicking cars waiting for the light to turn green.

OFFICER #1 BEING INVESTIGATED (30 years on the force): Yes, Sir.

OFFICER #2 BEING INVESTIGATED (new to the force): Yes, Sir.

INVESTIGATING OFFICER #1: And right in front of you, a mixed-race couple, tourists, come out of Nordstrums, and immediately they’re both assaulted by the mob. The woman, who is white, is bludgeoned almost to the point of losing consciousness. And you too sat back and watched?

OFFICERS #1 and #2 (in unison): Yes, sir.

INVESTIGATING OFFICER #2: Why didn’t you step in? Wave your nightstick? Wave your hands? Maybe even shoot a couple rounds in the air?

OFFICER #1: Well, sir, I personally noted that an adult black lady, had stepped in before us, to break up the mob herself, at risk of injury to herself, I thought to myself, why hog all the attention and glory of being a hero? I mean she was doing a great job.

OFFICER #2:Yeah, she was great. Real courage.

INVESTIGATING OFFICER #2: Interesting. We understand that the same group intends to organize another demonstration, this time even larger. Apparently, it is going to be funded by George Soros. Al Sharpton may be there too. The Chicago Police Dept is looking bad in all this. We look weak, inept and unprofessional. We have a golden opportunity to take the lead this Saturday, and show the world that we're the best. What will the two of you do to make up for what you failed to do this past weekend?

OFFICER #1: Well, Sir, I'm taking the day off to go fishing.

OFFICER #2: I've got bleacher seats for the Cubs, and will be off that day too.

INVESTIGATING OFFICER #1: Thank you. I will submit my report to the mayor.

1 posted on 04/20/2023 5:46:52 AM PDT by nikos1121
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To: nikos1121

That sounds about right. The police are under NO legal obligation to protect anyone. The CPD will investigate the CPD and tell us that the CPD did nothing wrong here.

And they’ll be right.

L


2 posted on 04/20/2023 5:50:34 AM PDT by Lurker ( Peaceful coexistence with the Left is not possible. Stop pretending that it is.)
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To: nikos1121

The main job of the Chicago police it to investigate crimes, and make sure there are no vigilence committees.


3 posted on 04/20/2023 5:55:21 AM PDT by The_Media_never_lie (re)
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To: The_Media_never_lie

The main job of he Chicago Police, as best as anyone can tell, is to draw chalk lines around bodies. And arrest anyone who used firearms to resist assault or robbery.


4 posted on 04/20/2023 6:07:27 AM PDT by Lonesome in Massachussets (Forsan et haec olim meminisse iuvabit.)
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To: The_Media_never_lie

I’m from Chicago. Mayor Daly, Sr. is rolling in his grave right now. Mobs of black teenagers rampaging Michigan Ave? Would never happen. Look what he did to the hippies when the DNC held their convention there in the 60s.


5 posted on 04/20/2023 6:08:56 AM PDT by nikos1121
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To: Lonesome in Massachussets

I’m serious. Why would any Chicago cop step in alone or even with other cops, to intervene in a riot of black teenagers, whose only purpose is mayhem and to entice a cop to hit them?

You have a mayor who is anti-cop, who already is defending the mob.

You’d have to be stupid, as a cop, to do anything.

And I am quite sure, that the police have already discussed this among themselves.


6 posted on 04/20/2023 6:11:28 AM PDT by nikos1121
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To: Lonesome in Massachussets

It’s a joke.

They already know who the perpetrators are. They’re on social media. The photos also reveal who attacked the couple.

Will they pursue anyone? Heck no.


7 posted on 04/20/2023 6:13:58 AM PDT by nikos1121
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To: Lurker

It’s a no-win for the police anyway. If they arrest the attackers they’re racist oppressors; if they fail to act they’re negligent.


8 posted on 04/20/2023 6:29:08 AM PDT by JimRed (TERM LIMITS, NOW! Militia to the border! TRUTH is the new HATE SPEECH.)
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To: nikos1121

I got that. Chicago is getting what they voted for. Good and hard.


9 posted on 04/20/2023 8:55:33 AM PDT by Lonesome in Massachussets (Forsan et haec olim meminisse iuvabit.)
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To: Lonesome in Massachussets

Hey, Lonesome, did you see this?

https://freerepublic.com/focus/chat/4146990/posts?page=20#20


10 posted on 04/20/2023 9:01:13 AM PDT by nikos1121
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To: nikos1121

I did. My teachers were all nuns in elementary school and males, mostly Marist Brothers, in high school with some lay teachers. No romantic interest in any of them, though I did admire some of them, and was definitely in love with my fifth grade teaching nun, but a favorite aunt crush, not a romantic crush.


11 posted on 04/20/2023 9:05:47 AM PDT by Lonesome in Massachussets (Forsan et haec olim meminisse iuvabit.)
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