Posted on 02/11/2023 2:05:58 AM PST by where's_the_Outrage?
A 20-year-old young woman who dropped out of college decided to return to school after a year of working in her boyfriend’s family’s restaurant business. For the sake of her story, we’ll call her Jane.
Jane’s parents had set aside 30,000 dollars in a college tuition account for her. But instead, her parents used the money to remodel their kitchen after Jane moved in with her boyfriend, despite her parent’s advice not to.
When Jane realized what her parents had done, she was shocked and angry. She asked for access to her college tuition account. Still, her parents refused, citing their previous conversation where they explicitly stated that they would use the money for something else if she dropped out of college.
Jane’s parents advised her to attend a cheaper college or work part-time while attending school to help pay for her tuition. Additionally, her mother has offered to help her financially.
Still, the father is hesitant as they are approaching retirement age and a little behind on their retirement goals. The father has also offered to let Jane stay at their house for free so she can focus on paying for college.
However, Jane has been ignoring her mother’s phone calls, and the father is now questioning if he is the jerk in the situation. Here is how the internet responded to his concern.
It’s a Costly Lesson
“This situation is harsh on your daughter, but you’re not the jerk,” one explained. “She decided to drop out, and with that came you telling her that you’d use the remaining college fund money for something else.
I also presume that at the time of her dropping out, she presented her decision as permanent since she said that college wasn’t for her, meaning that you don’t know how long Jane would’ve taken to return to college if she had gone back at all.
‘But I thought you were bluffing’ is an inadequate response. You don’t get to use that line when making a life-changing decision and are given conditions by the people financing you. She just learned a costly lesson.” Another agreed, “That was a gift, and she didn’t use it, and her way of responding to the situation shows how ungrateful she is.”
You’re the Jerk
“You spent all 30k on a kitchen remodel? That’s not a retirement goal; she only took a year off. Have you spent all of it already? You’re the jerk for not having the foresight or consideration that she might regret the boyfriend thing and spending the money that quickly.
Many kids make mistakes during college, mainly because it was just a year off. You didn’t need to jump to use that money. I get she made a choice and the mistake over a boy, but you could have been a safety net for her.
Parents are supposed to account for the fact that kids make stupid mistakes and choices. But instead, you took it as an opportunity to make sure she couldn’t bounce back quickly over something cosmetic and superficial, and you did it quickly. Which is gross.”
Not Compassionate
“You’re the jerk. You saved for your daughter’s education for 18 years, yet you didn’t hesitate to put the money to other uses the moment she diverted from a traditional education path. If you genuinely meant the money for her education, you could have held it for her in case she returned to school.
She’s living with a guy do she’s already married in my eyes. She belings to the bum who obviously cares enough to just screw her.
They are one....done. Money goes to the kitchen.
I’m with the parents.
I wish more parents would do this...they should also be cut right out of the will if they develop any ‘progressive’ tendencies during their life.
Smart parents help. Stupid parents entitle.
wy69
My parents let me stay home rent-free, that was their assistance.
I did the same with my now 30’s and 40’s adult kids.
An excellent pattern, kids are all doing well.
“The only problem I see is spending the money on a kitchen remodel if the parents are behind on retirement goals.”
Happy wife, happy life.
Mrs. Alaska spent over $60,000 on a new kitchen in 1998 even though the house was less than 20 years old at the time.
Added an additional 80 sq ft, new everything, granite tops at over $16,000, 2 ovens, two sinks and 20 plus years later, well worth the cost.
Since I've retired, I cook and spend a lot of time in the kitchen, and am grateful that I kept my mouth shut and just paid the contractor, when the rebuild was going on.
As far as the spoiled brat kid is concerned, decisions have consequences, get a job and quit whining.
“I would reply, ”This phone is for MY convenience, if I can’t get in contact with you, I don’t need this phone or this bill.””
I like that. He with the gold rules!
Agree with the rest of your post about the daughter. At 20, she's an adult. She needs to feel the consequences of adult decisions.
Good grief! My husband and I set aside money for college for our kids, but they knew they weren’t going to get it if they didn’t go to college. My younger son is finishing up college now, my older learned a trade and is very successful. We opted to use what would have been college funds to buy a house that he rents and is renovating. He and his fiancé pare saving up to buy the house from us next year.
This is the USA in 2023, who in the hell gets {or gives} a dowry?
Dowry is an ancient custom that is already mentioned in some of the earliest writings, and its existence may well predate records of it. Dowries continue to be expected and demanded as a condition to accept a marriage proposal in some parts of the world, mainly in parts of Asia {Where the cow is sacred}.
If the guy's religion was hindu and is living in India, you might have a case about your "thinking" other wise, in the words of Governor Sarah Sanders, "You are crazy"
We are remodeling our 30 year old dated kitchen for the same reasons… we want to live here the rest of our lives and want a kitchen we are comfortable with! And if we have to sell, it is less headache for us/our kids to update.
Anyway, it is only costing us $6 k, but they are repurposing a lot of the materials… that saves a LOT in cost, even though it costs a bit more in labor
Seems like a pretty crappy thing to do to your own kid. If the boyfriend was a certain persuasion then i guess i can understand disinheriting her.
Yeah but maybe they wanted a nicer kitchen?
The one we have now is decent and workable but I’d have zero qualms about dumping a pile of money into if we were sure we’d stay here longer
Ina previous home I built for us the kitchen was a major focus and would have cost 80k+ plus if we hadn’t built most of it ourselves and it was worth every penny and bit of time is worked so well
What were her grades at the time? Was she goofing off, coasting or worse, and her grades in the toilet? If so, her “college fund” was a joke. So Dad showed some stones and gave her a little shock therapy.
As *Charlie “Tremendous” Jones said in one of his books, “The trouble with the American family is that Poppa won’t pop!” Well, in this case, Poppa DID pop; and showed little Tootsie who was boss.
The fact that there WAS a college fund to the tune of $30K tells me that Dad is a good Dad, and intended for Tootsie to have Easy Street while doing college. But Tootsie did something that broke the pact. So instead of pleading for Tootsie to shape up and do right, he just made an executive decision. More power to him. May his tribe increase.
*Charles “Tremendous” Jones was an insurance broker and motivational speaker from Harrisburg, PA area. He’s now in Heaven.
Its their money. They can do what they want.
Yeah. And a kitchen remodel is absolutely a critical component of retirement planning.
At first glance, it sounded like an episode of “Married With Children.”
$30,000 for a kitchen remodel?
They got off cheap.
“Yeah but maybe they wanted a nicer kitchen?”
That’s fine. I was arguing, with evidence, against the kitchen remodel’s being an “investment,” not against it’s being a perfectly okay thing to do if that’s what you want.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.