Posted on 02/11/2023 2:05:58 AM PST by where's_the_Outrage?
A 20-year-old young woman who dropped out of college decided to return to school after a year of working in her boyfriend’s family’s restaurant business. For the sake of her story, we’ll call her Jane.
Jane’s parents had set aside 30,000 dollars in a college tuition account for her. But instead, her parents used the money to remodel their kitchen after Jane moved in with her boyfriend, despite her parent’s advice not to.
When Jane realized what her parents had done, she was shocked and angry. She asked for access to her college tuition account. Still, her parents refused, citing their previous conversation where they explicitly stated that they would use the money for something else if she dropped out of college.
Jane’s parents advised her to attend a cheaper college or work part-time while attending school to help pay for her tuition. Additionally, her mother has offered to help her financially.
Still, the father is hesitant as they are approaching retirement age and a little behind on their retirement goals. The father has also offered to let Jane stay at their house for free so she can focus on paying for college.
However, Jane has been ignoring her mother’s phone calls, and the father is now questioning if he is the jerk in the situation. Here is how the internet responded to his concern.
It’s a Costly Lesson
“This situation is harsh on your daughter, but you’re not the jerk,” one explained. “She decided to drop out, and with that came you telling her that you’d use the remaining college fund money for something else.
I also presume that at the time of her dropping out, she presented her decision as permanent since she said that college wasn’t for her, meaning that you don’t know how long Jane would’ve taken to return to college if she had gone back at all.
‘But I thought you were bluffing’ is an inadequate response. You don’t get to use that line when making a life-changing decision and are given conditions by the people financing you. She just learned a costly lesson.” Another agreed, “That was a gift, and she didn’t use it, and her way of responding to the situation shows how ungrateful she is.”
You’re the Jerk
“You spent all 30k on a kitchen remodel? That’s not a retirement goal; she only took a year off. Have you spent all of it already? You’re the jerk for not having the foresight or consideration that she might regret the boyfriend thing and spending the money that quickly.
Many kids make mistakes during college, mainly because it was just a year off. You didn’t need to jump to use that money. I get she made a choice and the mistake over a boy, but you could have been a safety net for her.
Parents are supposed to account for the fact that kids make stupid mistakes and choices. But instead, you took it as an opportunity to make sure she couldn’t bounce back quickly over something cosmetic and superficial, and you did it quickly. Which is gross.”
Not Compassionate
“You’re the jerk. You saved for your daughter’s education for 18 years, yet you didn’t hesitate to put the money to other uses the moment she diverted from a traditional education path. If you genuinely meant the money for her education, you could have held it for her in case she returned to school.
“Dad is not the jerk. It’s his money.”
I agree.
So the father has saved $30,000.00 for education needs.
Daughter informs father she is quitting school, moves in with boyfriend.
Father tells daughter that he will be using HIS money for other purposes, as she is quitting school and moving in with boyfriend AGAINST his advice.
Daughter proceeds to do what she wants to do.
Father proceeds to do what he wants to do. What he spends HIS freed-up money on is irrelevant.
I’m sorry, what was the question?
By the principles of individual freedom, and the right of individuals to have their own hierarchy of values, and to be free to use their own resources as they see fit, and the daughter’s refusal to consider the wishes of the parents,
the parents’ decision to remodel their kitchen with the money set aside for Jane’s college tuition can be seen as an exercise of their freedom and a prioritization of their own desires over Jane’s future plans.
I taught my children from birth...
Everything in life has a price tag attached to it..
It’s no big deal. I died, crossed over and then returned to my body.
Having been there, done that, I can say that death is just another learning experience for the soul.
High cost for college is probably mostly due to fact that the money is there. Currently offered by politicians who want to win the vote of inexperienced, lazy, naive children who are brainwashed to believe that college is absolutely necessary to survive. Brainwashed parents also.
Recipe for education and wisdom meltdown. We see it now.
What I find stupid is the fact that this story even had to ask the question, were her parents right?
We’ve gone pretty far down the rabbit hole for this to even be a subject of discussion.
“”Parents are right. They in no uncertain terms said what would occur if she dropped out of college. Further it was never her money in the first place.””
I agree..Also quitting college and moving in with a boyfriend told her parents everything they needed to know.
Sometimes they have to learn the hard way but something tells me if her attitude is not to speak to them, she won’t learn from it. She will only hold it against her parents. At that point, that’s her problem.
my husbands' parents did nothing for their kids as far as buying a first car, helping and encouraging college, or even paying for weddings....infact, my husband had a little money put aside that he solely contributed to but was a joint acct with his mother and she wouldn't even let him use it for college....
resentment is something not to take lightly....
girl should get her own college degree, get married and tell the parents to go enjoy their new kitchen and NOT their grandchildren....
I'm sorry but this story strikes me wrong...
People always talk about parents re: what their kids “need”. When the blazes do these kids ever end up helping their PARENTS (exactly as God intsructs in 1 Timothy 5:4)? All through life, even into older age, they show up for the money trough. I’ve seen it over and over. They and their college degrees are spiritually worthless.
That’s why I told my kids to study and make a lot of money, I plan on spending all my money so they can take care of me when the money runs out. ;)
😂👍
However, at my age (78) and widowed, I don't know how many years I have left here. If I ended up having to sell, a prospective buyer might not like my tastes. Not to mention, having to deal with remodelers crashing around for weeks (or months) while not being able to use the kitchen, is not an appealing prospect.
Everything depends on your sense of design. I do all the design work myself and know that poor design can cost you many thousands when you sell. Also if you keep the house, a good design allows you to stay longer. For instance I made sure the kitchen area was wheel chair friendly.
Right now I would say that the design of the moment in most new kitchens is kind of an industrial look in black and white. Sometimes a little contrast color. It’s easy to tell what’s in fashion in your area by looking at zillow or other real estate sites. I visited some new houses (open house) and stole the nicer design ideas and tweaked it for my taste. Sometimes all it takes to freshen up a kitchen is a little paint and a new backsplash and to put away all the accumulated items.
Gotcha
The parents are behind in their retirement goals; and a kitchen remodel is not a pleasure boat or a luxury car—it’s an investment in the resale value of their property. The daughter has already shown herself to be ungrateful. The parents’ choices would be to martyr themselves and get second jobs in case she wants to go back to school, or stick by their stated “contract” that she chose to forfeit the money.
I think the latter is the better parenting. If she’s independent enough to live wioth a guy unmarried and work for his family’s business, she’s independent enough to work out her own finances. She has already thumbed her nose at her parents’ values.
It’s a hard road back. She should be grateful this lesson came early enough for her to revise her entitled expectations.
Unless the gvt kills them first with a new variant and a mandated injection.
For that matter, what happened to the boyfriend? Why didn't he put a ring on it and let his parents provide them room and board?
This is not India; and she is not a virgin.
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