Posted on 12/27/2022 10:56:30 AM PST by grundle
My husband and I spent our first seven years of marriage building our careers.
When our second child was born, we realized how expensive day care would be.
My husband decided to stay at home with the kids, and I grew my career — and our family thrives.
Sixteen years ago, my husband and I decided to make a big shift for our family.
Peter and I had spent the first seven years of our married life without kids, supporting each other in our separate career goals. When our son was born, we continued to balance it all, but when we welcomed our daughter almost three years later, the reality hit us.
We now had two children under the age of 3 and two demanding career paths — his as a classically trained chef who never had weekends or holidays off, and mine as a creative-agency founder just getting her company off the ground.
On top of this, we discovered that day-care costs for two were not cheap. As we considered our options, we recalled what my husband said jokingly when we became parents: "Whoever is making more money goes back to work."
Back then, I knew in a flash that would be me and I would love that. With our daughter's arrival, it felt like time to revisit the thought.
When we talked it over seriously, things came into perspective. We realized that in paying for day care for two, we'd be making only about $10,000 more a year by having two incomes. I knew I could find a way to fill that gap. And if Peter, who had always been a hands-on, nurturing parent, became a stay-at-home dad, the kids would have an incredible experience. It made sense.
(Excerpt) Read more at yahoo.com ...
I’m going to become a stay-at-home Dad next week.
I’ve been working since 1963.
When I came home, the house looked like 2 kids lived there. My wife wouldn’t tolerate that if I were staying home.
Of course it is.
You can't just have schmucks writing blogs without opposition.
People might start taking them seriously.
And then where would we be?
My son and d-i-l home-school their children. At first she stayed at home but during the initial Covid lock-downs, he ended up home and she ended up at work. They found the kids did better at their school work under his watch. So, he manages the household, cooks all the meals (he is a chef by trade), and supervises the kids schooling, while she works. They both like the arrangement although they admit it might change should one or the other decide they aren’t pleased with the current arrangements. It works well for them and the kids. I see nothing wrong with it.
Whatever works for them is fine with me, though many women seem to resent it when they become the breadwinners themselves and seem to lose some respect for their partners when they go this route.
Do you think caring for children is beneath a man?
Interesting that we hear "Where is Dad?" when ever a kid goes bad but a man who is raising his children is some how wrong as well?
Y'all are going to have to pick a position and stick with it if you want the world to take you seriously.
This is going to be happening more and more as men are only 40% of college grads, and falling. And in the UN men are only 30% of college grads, and falling. Very quickly women will be the higher earners in the US and UK.
If they are in agreement and it’s not coerced then they should do what works for them
We’ve been fortunate in the fact that both my wife and I have are both capsid earning very high incomes and a decade ago it allowed me a couple years to do some projects I wouldn’t have been able to otherwise
Fast forward to youngest being born a couple years after that and wife has been at home full time homeschooling mom since with no expectation of her earning outside income and it’s been great for us-I realize not everyone has that opportunity or is in similar set of circumstances
A strong work ethic is also a valuable lesson.
Don’t need a degree to be a high earner. Plenty of plumbers make 100k a year.
And those stats don’t matter anyway. Majority of people get degrees that are either worthless or irrelevant to what the ultimately choose to do.
My son just married a young woman who was raised by a stay at home dad while her husband executive “c suite” mom worked. It will be interesting to see what they do when they start having kids. Usually it does make sense for the higher earner to keep working (or one or both of them could work PT).
This was the one sticking point I had with my wife. When the kiddos come along, she stays at home. She fought it. Her friends fought it. Her mother and grandmother did not and it was these two who turned the tide. That, and the second she laid eyes on the first one, she didn’t want to leave him. Worked out very very well for all of us.
This is a similar conversation I had with my wife.
The result was her staying home, me working my tail off. She eventually picked up some off hour shifts and she we back to work.
Was it hard? Yup.
But she wasn’t on the same income path as I. By the time the kids hit double digits I had opened my own business, gotten through the tough years, and we had it good for a while.
Its all about common goals. And thinking of the family, not your own ego. (My wife’s career as a broadcaster was very much filled with ego personalities.)
What does that mean? I even looked it up, and I still don't understand.
yes. a parent should be home for the most formidable years in a child’s life.
there should be more incentive for this to happen, but alas, big government likes the costs of day care.
That arrangement suits some couples. These two had the big advantage of having lived together for 7 years before children. They had time to really learn about each other, vs doing it all so quickly. At least one parent is always going to be at home during afterschool hours.
They have probably learned to turn a deaf ear to all the naysayers in their family “Not that I’m judging or anything, but that’s not at all how your Mother and I did it, I can tell you that much!”
My wife was basically a trail blazing ICU RN after I got out of the military in 1964.
We/she banked most of her RN salary for a down payment on our first home. We moved into our first home when our first born was one week old.
Turned out in our condo area, 5 other women were first time moms/parents. They had been professionals before the first baby was born, like my wife.
They decided as a group to basically not work, to stay at home and to help each other and kids.
The second child for every woman came at about the same time, and a few of the women worked out of their home.
I got tired of the travel and IVY league managers, stepped down from management to be a sales rep in California with minimal travel.
My wife did the same unpaid teacher thing and was ready to get back into nursing, shortly, after we moved to California.
She decided to return to work, when the kids were in the 3rd and 6th grade.
She was hired as a full time lead RN in a busy FP office. She worked in that group for over 3 decades.
Our sons learned how to set a table and prepping the stuff needed for our dinners so my wife or I could prepare the dinners with minimal prep time on their part. One son became so good, he ended up as a professional for decades. My wife could be a chef, and I’m very skilled prepping and grilling
with an outside grill.
The company gave me a great early retirement at age 56.
I did consulting until 9/11, the travel hassle and that event changed my mind. Also, my wife didn’t want me traveling 3-5 days a week. 9/11 was a big wakeup call for both of us.
My main job after then was managing our 401 K’s/IRAs and mortgages on our home and most of the basic upkeep.
We both got really involved with our church and other good charities. Since Covid, that has basically disappeared.
Our travel bug went out with 9/11.
My wife retired when her MDs retired in 2013.
We had minimal problems/issues with our various role changes in our adulthood.
So, we are in fair health in our 80’s and enjoying what we do and don’t do.
Lives well lived.
I wish you many more years together.
"Dad is Great! He gives us Chocolate Cake!"
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