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Government Warns That With Elon Owning Twitter They Will Only Control 97% Of The Media
Babylon Bee ^ | Dec 14, 2022 · | Babylon Bee

Posted on 12/15/2022 4:31:42 AM PST by george76

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The White House issued a dire warning this week, reminding the nation that Elon's continued ownership of Twitter means they now only control 97% of the media.

"We can't overstate how dangerous this is," said gay black Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre. "Yes, we still control Facebook, Google, Apple, Instagram, YouTube, ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, MSNBC, The Washington Post, The New York Times, Hollywood, TIME, USAToday, The Wall Street Journal, and pretty much all the rest, but we don't control Twitter. This is dangerous to democracy."

The entire intelligence community at the CIA, FBI, and NSA concurred with the warning, stating that "Elon's ownership of Twitter leaves America vulnerable to dangerous opinions we do not approve of." Leaders with the agencies are recommending immediate investigations to bring down the Twitter CEO provided their planned drone strike doesn't work first.

"Democracy is at stake," said all the agency leaders in a shared statement in which they all recited the words simultaneously in a robotic monotone. "We must do something. Democracy is at stake."

At publishing time, several watchdog groups had underscored the warning, pointing to a 128% increase in exposure to unapproved opinions since Musk's Twitter purchase.


TOPICS: Conspiracy; Humor; Society; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: babylonbee

1 posted on 12/15/2022 4:31:42 AM PST by george76
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To: george76

The Bee is real news, not satire.


2 posted on 12/15/2022 4:38:33 AM PST by gattaca (Either you will control your government, or government will control you. Ronald Reagan)
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To: george76

Too truthful to Bee Bee


3 posted on 12/15/2022 4:39:43 AM PST by no-to-illegals (The enemy has US surrounded. May God have mercy on them.)
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To: george76
Just too close to reality to be satire.

Kinda like Prof Hanson's latest:

Two Antithetical Billionaires

4 posted on 12/15/2022 5:09:27 AM PST by texas booster (Join FreeRepublic's Folding@Home team (Team # 36120) Cure Alzheimer's!)
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To: george76

The Bee hits another homer... 🤓


5 posted on 12/15/2022 5:16:45 AM PST by Deplorable American1776 (Defund the FBI, the American Stasi..)
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To: george76

I thought the Bee only did satire?


6 posted on 12/15/2022 6:06:55 AM PST by central_va (I won't be reconstructed and I do not give a damn...)
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To: george76

Hope the Babylon Bee has an account with Twitter just to tick off the left.

Humor and facts a one shop stop.


7 posted on 12/15/2022 8:35:09 AM PST by Vaduz (LAWYERS )
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