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9 Upsides Of A Nuclear Apocalypse
Babylon Bee ^ | October 13, 2022 | Staff

Posted on 10/14/2022 12:15:39 PM PDT by Twotone

Biden is warning of a coming nuclear apocalypse, but don't worry! A thermonuclear war that wipes out most life on the planet wouldn't be all bad! Let's look at the bright side, shall we?

Here are 9 great upsides of a nuclear apocalypse:

You never have to go to IKEA again: Never again will you have to navigate a labyrinthian hellscape of cheap furniture and meatballs! Yay!

You have this cool extra arm growing out of your shoulder now: You can multitask!

Flash from the explosion will burn out your eyes so you won't have to see whatever Lizzo does next: Praise be!

Your friends who made fun of you for keeping all your DVDs will be jealous since all the streaming services are down now: Who's laughing now?

Everyone will agree how terrible Biden was: At last, unity in America!

No more climate change: More importantly, no more Swedish teens lecturing you on climate change.

You'll finally feel vindicated for spending $7,000 on a chicken coop and raising chickens: Eggs are the new currency. You're rich!

The 750 hours you sank into the Fallout franchise won't have gone to waste: You've been training for this your whole life.

You'll finally have time! All the time in the world! Time enough to enjoy all your Tuttle Twins books! Now, where were your glasses?: *CRACK... "NOOOOOOOOO!"

See? Things won't be so bad! Now quit yer bellyachin'! And don't forget to take your iodine.


TOPICS: Humor; Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: babylonbee
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To: Twotone

There will be plenty of houses and cars free for the taking for the survivors to claim as their own.


21 posted on 10/14/2022 2:01:47 PM PDT by Drew68 (Ron DeSantis for President 2024)
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To: Drew68

Remember EMF discharge that will burn out the power grid—No more Power—No more computers—No internet. One bomb could send us back to the 19th Century. We all will be Amish without the cool clothes.


22 posted on 10/14/2022 4:02:36 PM PDT by Forward the Light Brigade ( Ride to the sound of the Guns!)
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To: Forward the Light Brigade
Remember EMF discharge that will burn out the power grid—No more Power—No more computers—No internet. One bomb could send us back to the 19th Century. We all will be Amish without the cool clothes.

Honestly, I think the devastation brought by nuclear weapons themselves will prove to be overrated. Look at Hiroshima and Nagasaki today. They're flourishing. The power will come back on and many modern conveniences like cars will continue to work.

What will really cull the population will be the post-nuclear landscape. Think the whole general collapse of society. People will starve. People will freeze in the winter. Millions will die from not only radiation but various other untreated medical conditions, accidents, infections, etc. Homicides and general lawlessness will skyrocket. Many will commit suicide.

Of those who survive the blasts, it'll be the elderly and those who depend on regular medical care and prescription medicines to be the first to go. They'll drop like flies in the millions.

Young, single men without families to burden them or slow them down will fare the best. They'll take whatever they want from everyone else.

23 posted on 10/14/2022 4:52:11 PM PDT by Drew68 (Ron DeSantis for President 2024)
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To: Twotone

A nuclear winter solves climate change.


24 posted on 10/14/2022 4:52:33 PM PDT by maddog55 (The only thing systemic in America is the left's hatred of it!)
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To: Twotone

LOL !!!!


25 posted on 10/14/2022 4:57:35 PM PDT by The Mayor (“Love the Lord your God,” and “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:37–39))
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To: Twotone

I may consider welcoming a post apocalyptic world just for #3!


26 posted on 10/14/2022 5:09:58 PM PDT by oldvirginian (When I was a kid I wanted to be older…this is not what I expected)
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To: Twotone

10: LA will probably be a key target. New show: “Incinerate with the Kardashians”


27 posted on 10/17/2022 11:22:56 AM PDT by Zathras
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