Posted on 10/10/2022 12:58:01 PM PDT by sodpoodle
LAW 1:
No matter how bad your last shot was, you should have Inner Peace knowing that a shittier one is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.
LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.
LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water. Expensive clubs have been known to be partly made with this most unusual natural alloy.
LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.
LAW 5: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.
LAW 6: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination.
LAW 7: All 3-woods are demon-possessed. Your Mother in Law does not come close.
LAW 8: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water. See LAW 3.
LAW 9: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.
LAW 10: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.
LAW 11: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset.
LAW 12: Since bad shots come in groups of three, your fourth consecutive bad shot is really the beginning of the next group of three.
LAW 13: If it isn't broke, try changing your grip.
LAW 14: It's surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt when you lie 8.
(THIS is how the one-handed putting started!)
LAW 15: Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.
LAW 16: Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.
LAW 17: It's not a gimme if you're still 4 feet away.
LAW 18: The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.
LAW 19: You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch 90% of the time.
LAW 20: Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make a double or triple bogey to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.
LAW 21: If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to use it to lay up just short of a water hazard.
LAW 22: There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the top and checking the position of your hands: (i) how many hands you have, and (ii) which one is wearing the glove.
LAW 23: A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
LAW 24: Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.
I can find nicer balls than I would pay for. Pro V1 is what, 42 bucks a dozen? I have a bag full I’ve found.
“hello, ball!”
Art Carney was great! My wife hates when I try to mimic him, though.
Funniest thing I’ve seen on the course is a guy that went totally nuts and assaulted a large shrub with a club for what seemed like 20 minutes. Never laughed so hard.
Sounds like Murphy wrote that.
5.56mm
When I hit a golf ball, it never goes where I want it to go.
“Golf” is “flog” spelled backwards.
Golf balls are deaf.
Love these! I have my dad’s putter, an old Arnold Palmer!! I think I remember a few times it was airborne...!!! LOL!!
Miss you Big Al !!!!
“...it never goes where I want it to go.”
Sort of ... for me in my past golfing days.
Aim for the fairway, the ball goes into the woods. Aim for the woods, I get it there every time.
Have my father’s putter too. It is a Ping - 1st year it was made. Was told by several others, don’t replace the original grip, it will lose its value.
I never bought golf balls either. I wondered why people just walked away?
The best time to find perfectly good Titleist are after a Jr. golf practice.
It’s like if they hit’em offline they just let’em lay and throw another down.
If my kids did that they’d be playing the cheapest on sale balls from Wal-mart. And still get a whipping for the waste.
Not that I’m complaining. Spoiled kids gotta be good for something.
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