Sadly, more truth than humor in this article. I know a guy who took early retirement from the FIB because he could no longer stand what they’d become.
An old acquaintance of mine had a surf shop. His alarm system was a little Chihuahua who slept in his dog bed on the counter and two Dobermans who would sleep until the Chihuahua alarm went off.
FBI misled judge who signed warrant for Beverly Hills seizure of $86 million in cash
SEPT. 23, 2022 5 AM PT
The privacy invasion was vast when FBI agents drilled and pried their way into 1,400 safe-deposit boxes at the U.S. Private Vaults store in Beverly Hills.
They rummaged through personal belongings of a jazz saxophone player, an interior designer, a retired doctor, a flooring contractor, two Century City lawyers and hundreds of others.
Agents took photos and videos of pay stubs, password lists, credit cards, a prenuptial agreement, immigration and vaccination records, bank statements, heirlooms and a will, court records show. In one box, agents found cremated human remains.
Eighteen months later, newly unsealed court documents show that the FBI and U.S. attorney’s office in Los Angeles got their warrant for that raid by misleading the judge who approved it.
They omitted from their warrant request a central part of the FBI’s plan: Permanent confiscation of everything inside every box containing at least $5,000 in cash or goods, a senior FBI agent recently testified.
The FBI’s justification for the dragnet forfeiture was its presumption that hundreds of unknown box holders were all storing assets somehow tied to unknown crimes, court records show.
It took five days for scores of agents to fill their evidence bags with the bounty: More than $86 million in cash and a bonanza of gold, silver, rare coins, gem-studded jewelry and enough Rolex and Cartier watches to stock a boutique.
[more at link]
FBI misled judge who signed warrant for Beverly Hills seizure of $86 million in cash
SEPT. 23, 2022 5 AM PT
The privacy invasion was vast when FBI agents drilled and pried their way into 1,400 safe-deposit boxes at the U.S. Private Vaults store in Beverly Hills.
They rummaged through personal belongings of a jazz saxophone player, an interior designer, a retired doctor, a flooring contractor, two Century City lawyers and hundreds of others.
Agents took photos and videos of pay stubs, password lists, credit cards, a prenuptial agreement, immigration and vaccination records, bank statements, heirlooms and a will, court records show. In one box, agents found cremated human remains.
Eighteen months later, newly unsealed court documents show that the FBI and U.S. attorney’s office in Los Angeles got their warrant for that raid by misleading the judge who approved it.
They omitted from their warrant request a central part of the FBI’s plan: Permanent confiscation of everything inside every box containing at least $5,000 in cash or goods, a senior FBI agent recently testified.
The FBI’s justification for the dragnet forfeiture was its presumption that hundreds of unknown box holders were all storing assets somehow tied to unknown crimes, court records show.
It took five days for scores of agents to fill their evidence bags with the bounty: More than $86 million in cash and a bonanza of gold, silver, rare coins, gem-studded jewelry and enough Rolex and Cartier watches to stock a boutique.
[more at link]
P
Having money in a bank, or valuables in a safe deposit box, is so 1950’s.
Folks with a clue haven’t done either for a long time...this raid is the reason.
The best preperation is to consume a can oe even several cans of beans and molasses the day before. This will give you the opportunity to accumulate gaseous emissions which are sure to imprss the FBI who take you into custody.
You will find that all requests to go to the bathroom will be taken seriously and you will not be interrogated for too long , once your innocence is established and you season the air in the interrogation room with the delightful “odeur de liberte.”
Remember, fart in their general direction and DO NOT let on YOU did it.
“Can you come back in 10 min? I’ve got cookies in the oven”