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Posted on 09/03/2022 4:46:21 AM PDT by karpov
DEAR ABBY: Our daughter and her cousin are the same age. Both are medical school graduates. Eight months ago, when this cousin got married at an in-person wedding, he was showered with gifts from the family. My daughter, in contrast, had a private ceremony because of COVID concerns and sent a wedding announcement to the family. To the shock and amazement of my husband, my daughter and myself, not a single person in the family thought to send her a gift or even a card.
There’s no bad blood in the family. Everyone appears to love her. She is disappointed and devastated. Should I just get over this, or should I say something to the family? She and her husband live 2,000 miles away, and at this point, I can’t envision them making the effort to fly home and see the family ever again. — BAFFLED IN TEXAS
DEAR BAFFLED: I don’t think anyone intended to give your daughter short shrift. The rules of etiquette state that wedding gifts are required if someone is attending a wedding. While it would have been nice of these relatives to have sent a gift or at least a card, they were not required to. I see no reason why you shouldn’t inform these relatives that your daughter was deeply hurt that no one was inclined to send her and her husband so much as a congratulatory card.
(Excerpt) Read more at nypost.com ...
Wedding Invitations are a Demand for a Gift. Since I don’t like weddings anyway I don’t give gifts and thankfully I am not invited to any.
In this day and age young couples don’t need any gifts.
I am in total agreement. Bad enough my daughter and son inlaw were married by a judge (they are not church goers), It was appalling that her friends did not give wedding gifts to the bride and groom. That was inexcusable.
What a wonderful memory. ❤️. I also married later. My mother passed within a year after the wedding. That memory of the whole family together is priceless, irreplaceable.
No we didn’t use a registry. It was around ‘70, so possibly the registries were not yet a thing.
The wedding involved her parents, brother and sister, my parents, and a few friends each. So about 2 dozen for dinner.
Her aunt and uncle, for example, sent a set of martini glasses. Very nice, very delicate, not at all dishwasher safe, and we have never taken up drinking martinis.
One would like to think so, but with the last 2 or 3 generations of selfish entitlement, nothing surprises me any more. If there was no apparent cause for it, no wonder the mother was so hurt.
It has happened to friends of mine as well. Huge wedding, people buy clothes, get their hair done, travel, stay over, bring gifts -- and don't even get a thank you note. This is especially annoying to those polite people who had the gift sent to the house instead of bringing it to the wedding — they have no idea if the couple even received it. Or if they discreeetly ask the mother of the bride whether they got it, she says, "Oh, we were just all helping them open the gifts and no one remembered to keep track of who sent what."
What a lovely story. So glad you were blessed.
Perhaps the cousin went to college and medical school locally in Texas and has been in constant contact with many of the family.
Perhaps the daughter went to college and medical school in the Pacific Northwest or New England (2000 miles away), and has had little or no contact with the family.
Just a guess.
Can’t imagine why you are not invited to any.
You know, I kind of think there may’ve been something else going on here. Seriously... out of the entire extended family (and maybe friends)...nobody sent a present?
Even in my wife’s large, totally dysfunctional extended family, my loving wife would’ve sent a gift. She’s just like that. (I’m a lucky guy). We would’ve discussed it, but a gift would’ve been sent. MY side of the family is either dead or democrats, and that hand grenade went off a long time ago. But still, even I would send a gift.
So, I have to ask, was there something else going on with the family in the article? Sounds like there may’ve been bad blood already.
“There is much more to this story.”
Yes, yes! That’s what in thinking.
I was asking, not telling, FRiend.
If that’s not what you think, so be it.
Let me see, I get a wedding announcement that says we’re getting married but you’re not invited because we’re Branch Covidians. I’m not particularly inclined to send a gift.
You know, if you want people to give you a free stuff you have to be willing to be in the same room with them.
There is always more to the story
They may have been Irish American, like my family, and the young ones “have their noses out of joint” because they were not invited to a big ol’ wedding; and the old ones have “Irish Alzheimers”—you forget everything but your grudges!
Maybe the mother should have called everyone and explained BEFORE the wedding. Or sent them a personal note with the bride’s registry link—LOL! She can still do that on an occasion such as them buying their first house, for instance. I agree with Dear Abby that the mom should let at least some of them know how she feels about it.
Let me guess: 3rd Prize is, "You're FIRED!"
("GlenGarry, Glen Ross" reference.)
Regards,
I went to a wedding two years ago. Covid was still going around. Things were starting to open up again. The bottom line is that if you’re afraid, stay home. For the rest of us, life goes on. Life is filled with risks but we keep on living. This disease does not really affect the young so we’ve overreached in retrospect. All we had to do was to protect the elderly.
Mmmm, hibachi.
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