Posted on 03/09/2022 7:53:33 AM PST by Red Badger
The US was rocked by a military and diplomatic earthquake on Monday after Chinese leaders revealed that the Middle Kingdom has constructed an N-bomb capable of reaching the mainland United States, and is prepared to use it.
“If America persists in imposing its imperialist designs on China and the Chinese people, then China will not hesitate to respond with immediate deployment of the N-bomb,” Xi Jinping said in a speech to the Communist Party Congress.
Foreign policy experts quickly labeled China’s announcement as the worst blow to American strategic freedom in the nation’s history.
“America has built its entire foreign and domestic policy apparatus around never, ever allowing an N-bomb to be deployed,” said Harvard IR professor Michael Richards. “America has instituted draconian censorship rules, fired many of its most talented scientists and computer scientists, and erected a hugely costly and burdensome HR infrastructure, all for the sake of preventing N-bomb deployment. Now, China could ruin that in a day.”
The N-bomb’s effects are as unconventional as they are severe. When detonated in a mid-air burst, the N-bomb blasts out the “Hard R” N-word at a volume that can be heard hundreds of miles away. According to defense officials, the specific payload of the Chinese N-bomb is a clip of Randy Marsh saying the N-word in South Park, hearable at a range of of 275 miles.
Much as Achilles was invincible save for a lethal weakness in his heel, America’s global military and economic superpower status is hopelessly vulnerable to the danger of a single word. According to defense analysts, just a handful of N-bombs detonated over America’s major cities would utterly paralyze the country. All universities and tech companies will screech to a halt to undergo mandatory internal discussion sessions and “reckonings.” The military and Wall Street will have their senior leadership paralyzed by crippling new affirmative action requirements. At least thirteen percent of America will become tired, and communications systems will completely collapse as all journalists and reporters will be irresistibly drawn to producing op-eds and lectures about systemic racism and white privilege.
U.S. diplomats quickly condemned China’s construction of an N-bomb, calling it a flagrant violation of the N-bomb Non-Proliferation Treaty. China, however, claims to have received an “N-bomb pass” from Niger in return for low-interest Belt and Road development loans.
China’s rapid N-bomb development took the United States by surprise, as they were able to build it despite a lack of neighborhood enrichment facilities. American leaders had long assumed that America’s large lead in neighborhood enrichment gave them an insurmountable advantage in N-bomb manufacturing. However, America’s N-bomb production program, the Wakanda Project, has repeatedly failed to deliver results.
Curtis James Jackson III, a professor of theoretical physics and African-American studies at Caltech, said there was a critical error that led to America’s embarrassing performance in N-bomb production.
“China’s researchers had their enrichment plants focus narrowly on weapons-grade “Hard R” production,” Jackson said. “The vast majority of American enrichment is of the “Soft A” variety, which is only useful for civilian purposes and not military ones.”
Others pointed the blame at America’s safety-first regulatory culture. In order to minimize the risk of an accidental N-bomb explosion, Wakanda Project director Kendrick Lamar barred all Caucasian scientists from the program.
But N-bomb deployment expert O’Shea Jackson of RAND Corporation said it wouldn’t matter if America had developed a superior N-bomb first.
“China’s human and physical infrastructure are practically immune to damage from an N-bomb.”
Jackson said that U.S. researchers had explored alternative strategic weapons such as the C-bomb and the G-bomb, but all have proven to have far less destructive power than the N-bomb.
“Honestly, we’re probably f***ed,” Jackson said.
So now we have to type n*****r bomb too?
Naggers?
Where’s the satire tag?
thats it....THIS IS WARRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!
Is that a repost from Babylon Bee?
For many of us on Free Republic, it will simply be moving day. Imagine China thinking that they can threaten Christians with death!
“Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee” (Isaiah 26:3).
Trust in the Lord Jesus Christ right now as your only way to Heaven and you too can have this “perfect peace” that Isaiah speaks of. It isn’t your church, your baptism, your good works, your American citizenship, or your family heritage that will avail to save you - God does not have any grand children. You MUST come to Him just as you are, and acknowledge your need of a Saviour and he WILL receive you and give you eternal life.
Don’t think the alternative is going to be pleasant!
Neutron bomb?
Black person epitaph bomb?
N-Bomb the hallucinogenic drug bomb?
This is too far even for the Chinese !!!
Great satire!
“Imagine China thinking that they can threaten Christians with death!”
The people who are still of the world don’t understand this. I think this is why they were surprised the whole COVID narrative met so much resistance. It relied on peoples’ fear of imminent death to shut down their reason. Well, that doesn’t work so good on people who aren’t afraid to die.
A note to Revolver: Satire is supposed to be funny.
Oh noes, I musta have used a bad word, and the nigardly mods censorated my free speach
They would not have said this if Trump was president.
N bomb America ?
Whose gonna buy all their worthless clothing ?
The Chinese Communist Party declares war on everyone
I think they deployed the N-bomb 60 years ago and it’s already nearly destroyed this country.
I doubt that China will use nuclear weapons unless the US or other western countries do something that threatens mainland China.
Because: They can not in one blow zap all of the nuclear armed submarines that are scattered around the globe and that can fire while submerged. Nor can they bomb all the fighters and bombers that are scattered around the globe...plus missile sites. Plus battleships.
Attacking the US mainland would result in launches from hundreds of locations in response.
China is many things, but not that stupid.
I bet they are laughing at all of the hand wringing weenies we have in DC.
I find dropping the C-bomb in an argument with my wife to be a one-way ticket to sleeping on the couch.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.