I have no ideas this week and gotta get this posted so we're joined now by a very special guest, a fish that kinda looks like a football. Hiya, fish. 
"Hi there, I'm surprised I can talk and even more suprised you can hear me though the water of my tank."
So, how in the hell did a nightmarish creature such as yourself come into being?
"Well sir, the Doylist answer is God created me as some kind of metaphor about the Detroit Lions that would probably go over your head. The Watsonian answer is that John Madden got drunk at an aquarium one night......and there may be kids around so I shouldn't say any more than that."
"Can we eat you? I'm on a see food diet and you look....well disgusting actually but I forgot to go to the grocery store, we've got nothing but that one flavor of oatmeal nobody likes left over from a variety pack plus a leftover turkey leg that I don't remember being purple."
"That depends, you're not allergic to arsenic are you?"
"Isn't that they put in that really expensive coffee in San Francisco? I think that stuff makes me break out."
"He's just lying about being poisonous so we won't eat him!"
"Haha, well you've got me there, toots. I have to warn you though I do taste like European body odor and have the texture of low-quality upholstery, I was even banned in China for being too disgusting and they eat duck fetus and rotten eggs."
"I can't let you girls eat him, you see if I'm able to drop kick him though the goal posts in a stadium with the wind blowing out, the prophecy will be fulfilled and I'll win 10 superbowls in a row and Imelda Marcos will be forced to admit my shoe collection is nicer than hers."
"Ugh, so yeah ladies I'm actually delicious, don't forget to pair me with a white wine, not red."