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Waukesha SUV Charged With Six Counts Of Murder
Babylon Bee ^ | November 28, 2021

Posted on 11/29/2021 3:05:43 PM PST by rightwingintelligentsia

WAUKESHA, WI—The 2010 Ford Escape crossover SUV that killed six people and injured many others during a Christmas parade last week on its own accord without the input of any human being whatsoever was charged with six counts of murder, sources confirmed over the weekend.

The vehicle was charged with multiple murder counts during a solemn court hearing Friday and was subsequently transferred to the county jail with bail set at a hefty $1,000,000. The charges came after investigators confirmed the SUV acted alone on its own accord without any accomplices.

"Rest assured -- we will hold this dastardly SUV accountable," said a Waukesha prosecutor. "What this vehicle did to those victims is unconscionable. We will be throwing the book at this car to make sure it can never strike again. Justice will be served, and the people of our city will be able to rest easy knowing that this 2010 Ford Escape is behind bars for good."

(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: killercars; rushwasright; satire; waukesha
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To: PAR35
Was the SUV painted white instead of Black? A good lawyer would get it cleaned up and painted before trial.

It was painted red, so one of Elizabeth Warren's vehicles.

21 posted on 11/29/2021 4:06:25 PM PST by seowulf (Civilization begins with order, grows with liberty, and dies with chaos...Will Durant)
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To: rightwingintelligentsia
SUV says "The b*itch at Ford assembly line set me up!"
22 posted on 11/29/2021 4:07:48 PM PST by Mark (Celebrities... is there anything they do not know? Homer Simpson)
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To: V_TWIN

Wisconsin abolished the death penalty in 1853. Shame on Wisconsin, its state politicians, and voters!


23 posted on 11/29/2021 4:13:36 PM PST by Carl Vehse (A proud member of the LGBFJB community)
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To: rightwingintelligentsia

Is the driver next?


24 posted on 11/29/2021 4:17:37 PM PST by laweeks
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To: P-Marlowe

“Kyle’s bail was $2,000,000. This guy killed 6 people including children. His bail is half of Kyle’s.”

That’s what they mean by “equality”.


25 posted on 11/29/2021 4:36:20 PM PST by coloradan (They're not the mainstream media, they're the gaslight media. It's what they do. )
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To: OrangeHoof

The SUV will be sued by Honda for trying to blame an Accord.


26 posted on 11/29/2021 5:05:49 PM PST by Verginius Rufus
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To: rightwingintelligentsia

What kinda gangsta drives a little red Ford Explorer? I mean not even 22in rims...


27 posted on 11/29/2021 5:07:11 PM PST by nascarnation (Let's Go Brandon!)
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To: P-Marlowe
I think the bail for the driver of the SUV was set at $5,000,000.

Remember, this is Babylon Bee.

28 posted on 11/29/2021 5:07:35 PM PST by Verginius Rufus
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To: rightwingintelligentsia

The Waukesha prosecutor released the SUV, but noted it would be under constant GPS tracking.


29 posted on 11/29/2021 5:10:28 PM PST by I-ambush (If we make it we’ll all sit back and laugh, but I fear tomorrow I’ll be crying )
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To: V_TWIN

“ If so and the suv gets it the execution ought be interesting”

The cash for clunkers penalty


30 posted on 11/29/2021 5:11:06 PM PST by dsrtsage ( Complexity is just simple lacking imagination)
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To: dsrtsage

31 posted on 11/29/2021 5:14:53 PM PST by V_TWIN
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To: dsrtsage

In China, it would first be stripped for parts.


32 posted on 11/29/2021 5:18:05 PM PST by I-ambush (If we make it we’ll all sit back and laugh, but I fear tomorrow I’ll be crying )
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To: rightwingintelligentsia

What a sad state of affairs our world is in. I have to give it to him. Orwell called it.


33 posted on 11/29/2021 6:11:40 PM PST by joma89 (Buy weapons and ammo, folks, and have the will to use them.)
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