Posted on 10/15/2021 4:33:31 AM PDT by sodpoodle
A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him. The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.
They were even after the first few holes. The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?" The first guy said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms.
The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.
As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy counting his $80.00. He confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers. The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish Priest.
The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money. The Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."
The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"
The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation......
And, if you want to bring your mother and father along, I'll marry them.
The rabbi responds, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."
The priest then asks, "Have you ever eaten pork?" To which the rabbi replies, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich."
The priest nodded in understandiing and went on with his reading. A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your Church that you remain celibate?"
The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."
The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"
The priest replied, "Yes rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith.
The rabbi nodded understandingly. He was silent for a little while..
Finally the rabbi says, "Beats a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"
If that Priest was about to give you Last Rites, I wonder how dark your sense of humor would be?
Near death dark humor is the best kind.
My favorite was Ronald Reagan’s—after the President was seriously wounded from the attempted assassination he said to his doctor “I hope you are a Republican”.
As he picks his ball from the cup, a leprechaun pops up and says “For that, I will give you one wish. But I will also need to take something away in return.”
The priest thinks and says “For one year, I'd love to be the world's best golfer”. “DONE!”, says the wee one. “But in exchange, you sex life will suffer”. The priest, who is in golf clothes, chuckles to himself at what he is giving up.
A year later, another hole-in-one. The leprechaun asks him how his how his year has been. “Fabulous!”, says the priest. I won the US Open, the Masters and the British Open. I've never played such golf!!”. The little guy winks, “But your love life? I bet that was not good”.
The priest replies “Well, I had sex with a woman only 2 times”. “SEE!”, says the leprechaun. “I told you it would be bad”
“Bad?”, the priest says. “Two times is pretty good for a small parish priest!”
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