Dear federal busybodies; here’s what I spend my money on:
1. $2.79 - Goldfish food. I don’t have any, but just in case.
2. $6.54 - Paperclips
3. $19.34 - Paper for paperclips. Kind of a matching set thing.
4. $7.34 - Toe nail clippers. Been tearing up the sheets.
A bunch of other stuff.
I spent $75 on Nespresso capsules this week. Cuff me ‘cos I been a bad girl.
I spend mine on popcorn . . . love eating popcorn while watching the Keystone Kops!
I’ve got two bank accounts. I like to move money between them. Form bank A to bank B. Other times from B to A. Why? Don’t know. Probably because I can and it’s sort of fun to watch the deposits come in. Maybe I need a hobby.
Hmmm. Toe nails, tearing up sheets...What is the information encoded here?.... Tn, t ...Aha! TNT! You are planning on making a bomb with TNT! And planting it in some government building to kill large number of your betters! You are a domestic terrorist! I shall make sure that you will be caught completely unawares at 4 a.m. as we sweep in with sheriffs, FBI agents, frogmen, and, of course, the CNN film crew to document our heroic takedown of such a dangerous exremist, you white nationalist extremist!
By the way, do you have any dogs we can shoot for good measure?
Dear FBI: I’ve been taking Vitamins C, D3, and K2, Zinc, Quercetin, Melatonin, probiotics, L-Lysine, and several other supplements that are said to be prophylactics against Covid-19. I also oppose critical race theory and LGBTQ+ indoctrination in the public schools. I think General Milley as a fat-ass fascist. Since in your eyes those things make me a white-supremacist, an extremist, and a terror suspect, you might want to talk to me. You know where to find me.
Remember your elementary school training. A paper clip and a rubber band make for a formidable weapon.
“$7.34 - Toe nail clippers. Been tearing up the sheets.”
I can hook you up with a pair of toe nail clippers for a buck.