Posted on 06/13/2021 12:54:52 AM PDT by LibWhacker
My buddy met an older woman at a bar last night. She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter.
We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double? 'What's that? I asked. 'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said. As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like, I said, 'No, I haven't.'
We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'tonight's your lucky night'. We went back to her place. We walked in.
She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: 'Mom...you still awake?'
I died.
I am now dead.
It’s your fault.
Great...It’s not always a happy ending!
And now...
Q: Why did the Chinese doctor cross the road?
A: Because he had a cotton swab stuck in a Chinaman.
Great punch line!
Say what?
Harry and Bob had been hunting buddies for year. Last Fall at the deer camp Harry was getting ready for bed and Bob spotted his pink thong women’s panties!
“What the heck Harry!? All these years and I never... how long you been wearing that kind of stuff!?”
“Ever since my wife found a pair in my truck’s glove box!”
Um....
Since I’m trying to lose weight, you have just helped me a great deal in that regard: I’ll be lucky if I eat anything else the entire day.
Ha! Someone tried to gussy up the joke and make it 3rd person by changing ‘I’ to ‘My Buddy’ in the first sentence but didn’t change the first person context in the rest of the joke.
Interesting! Putting the “I” at the beginning - and tell it your best Rodney Dangerfield voice. (Except I don’t recall him doing any long ones like that.)
“I get all the luck...”
Although most of his jokes were about him not getting any sex.
“My wife and I agreed to smoke only after sex. I’ve had the same pack for four years!
.
.
.
My wife is up to a pack a week!”
It really hurts when liquid is snorted out through the nose!
“Q: Why did the Chinese doctor cross the road?
A: Because he had a cotton swab stuck in a Chinaman.”
I don’t get it...
Saw that coming a mile away.
Dangerfield classics:
I got up this morning and looked out the window and a cop arrested me for mooning!
I asked my wife what would be her wildest sexual fantasy. She said she wanted her own apartment.
So Charlie Sheen get hassled by LAX TSA, flys into China, gets in yet another line... finds out it is the cotton swab for COVID queue, it’s to the front of the line for Charlie as reads the explanation placard of what the test is and what his requirements are... it is up to the Personnel waiting to assign him to a curtain stall and he asked the young lady in the airline Customs uniform of China, do you take credit you take cash or plastic?
A chomo, Catholic,, and dementia patient walk in to a bar....
Hello Mr. President.
Poking fun at China’s method of testing for COVID-19 (anal swab).
Eww, had no idea. Thanks for explaining.
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