Blue's Clues To Be Guest-Hosted By Jared From Subway

BabylonBee.com ^ | 6-9-2021 | BabylonBee.com

[servo1969]

BURBANK, CA—Nickelodeon announced today that for Pride Month, Blue's Clues and You will be hosted by Jared Fogle, who is famous for being the Subway spokesperson and maybe some other stuff as well.

Fogle will teach kids that "love is love" and that you're "born this way" and "can't control who you love."

"Hey kids!" he says in a teaser for the new episodes. "How is everyone doing out there, specifically the younger males in the audience? Oh, look! We got a letter!" The letter appears to be a summons from the FBI for him to return to federal prison. "Oh golly gee!" he says. "They're after me again, haha!"

"After we had an animated drag queen appear, we wanted other hosts who could groom -- I mean, teach -- children," said a producer of the show. "And Jared was perfect. He's always been a hero of ours here at Nickelodeon. Plus, he brought us plenty of Subway sandwiches. And he was so nice to all the kids on set!"

It wasn't immediately clear how Fogle made it out of prison.

Unfortunately, during the episode, Blue begins leaving clues leading toward child abusers and sex offenders all over Fogle and he's arrested.

[servo1969]

The best satire nearly indistinguishable from the truth.

[dirtymac]

just when I think I have finally caught on to BB satire and fake headlines, I get caught again.

This sounded so absolutely possible by those perverts’ doing children’s TV.

It is hard of the psyche and the heart to get worked up into righteous indignation only to read BB and it was not true but only satire. Realistic satire but still satire.

Takes me 10 minutes to calm down.

[TBP]

This is satire?

[Reily]

Hard to tell nowadays !

[Steely Tom]

Unlikely, since Mr. Fogel is still in federal prison, and will be for at least the next nine or ten years, after which he may be facing additional state charges.