Posted on 05/23/2021 11:12:28 PM PDT by wac3rd
Sorry about the vanity, but here goes....my wife and I sold our Bay Area home and bought a nice place in suburban Boise. Our kids were in school, limited masks and life was about 80% of normal vs. 20% in California.
Fast forward to May. My wife hates it here. She is conservative but said she would pay the high taxes, property taxes and cost of living to avoid the culture here. She thinks that our school-aged kids will not be able to prosper if they stay here in Idaho. No exposure to worldly things, more blue collar, less sophistication, etc.
I miss our friends in CA, but can work here and make the same money, so can she.
I do not want to go, I think it's going to be a drought/fire/BLM summer and as soon as a new strain of COVID hits, lockdowns and more.
I am at an impasse. I could stay (she offered it) but lose my family, or go and just deal with the insanity.
I am going to move back because my family comes first but am extremely aggravated and sad to leave a place where they value God, the USA and freedom.
Sorry to vent. We have 7 years until the little one graduates HS, so I will hold out until then.
Anyway, anyone else heard of a blue state exodus who does a U-turn in 9 months?
I just don’t have any words.
But if you are a biblical Christian, you and she have a LOT of repenting to do.
What exactly is the “sophistication” she’s missing from CA? Homeless by the tens of thousands? High crime? Fecal matter on the streets?
Your wife is a snob
“There are some underlying issues here that were left out. Being a woman, I know that many women hold their true feelings in and just kinda go along with things for a bit until it spirals out of control internally. I have a feeling that there were things she wanted to say about the move but didn’t, and now she is letting it all out at once and using any excuse possible to convince you to go back.
Honestly, it doesn’t sound to me like she’s putting family first in the way that you would yourself. CA is a really toxic place to live, as even in conservative areas, the taxes are still soul-crushing, as are the policies of the state, not to mention the Godawful schools.
Before you make a decision, I would recommend sitting down with a therapist or pastor/priest (not sure if you’re Catholic?) and talk things through HONESTLY. My husband and I are all about communication, and we don’t hide anything from one another. If we feel a certain way, we let the other know. I learned the hard way with my ex of seven years that it’s a two-way street. He would be vicious, and I’d sit there and take it, keeping to myself.
Besides, you’ll be lucky to find work (depending on what you do) and be equally lucky to find somewhere you can afford (also depending on how much money you have squirreled away along with the value of your current home). I must also press that moves are incredibly stressful, particularly on kids.
I wonder how they feel about it?”
Very good post. And there could even be medical issues that can cause irrational selfish thinking. Been married 36 years and the only time my wife and I had serious disagreements about important decisions like this it turned out that her thyroid levels had gone wacky. It caused her to a be a totally different selfish person with irrational thought protocols and she had no clue it was happening. It was like living with a rattlesnake for the kids and I. As soon as it was discovered and treated she returned to normal and everything has been well since, that was 15 years ago.
Sounds like the ‘siren call’ of a ‘worldly life’ ( your wife) is more powerful than an opportunity for your children being nurtured on good and lasting values!
For mercy sakes, don’t let her do this!
Think of your children!
Sounds like the ‘siren call’ of a ‘worldly life’ ( your wife) is more powerful than an opportunity for your children being nurtured on good and lasting values!
For mercy sakes, don’t let her do this!
Think of your children!
She is NOT a true conservative according to what you described, "Not being able to prosper" evidently means to her gaining the world at the cost of their souls, and is child abuse. If you have not done so yet, give your sins and life to the risen Lord Jesus who gave Himself for you, and pray for your wife to see the light.
And as the man you are to lead, but this should have been settled before marriage and children.
"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?" (2 Corinthians 6:14)
But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God. (1 Corinthians 11:3)
"But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace." (1 Corinthians 7:15)
However, the kids should stay with you.
So you’re suggesting the good folks at FR who are genuinely wanting to help this man ......are being had?
I would rather ALWAYS consider face value and respond to it....
....
...instead of immediate distrust
Sounds to me like you're already dealing with insanity. And now she's telling you to double-down on insanity by moving back to California or you'll lose your family (divorce?)
If it were me, I'd keep the kids and tell her to go where ever the hell she wants. She's not doing any more damage to our children. (Been there, done that. Two boys who saw how crazy their mom was and chose their dad.)
Correct, and she's throwing it away if he doesn't do as she says.
The Bible says a man is the head of his household. That's what she signed up for. So she threatens divorce because she wants to live in liberal hell?
He oughtta let her go and keep the kids. That's HER choice to spit in God's face, not his. He should stand firm for his chidren's sake.
My parents did this .... Cape Cod/Beaufort, SC. They wound up back on the Cape after 2 years. This happened in the early 2000s timeframe. Both were dyed in the wool Yankees and conservatives.
And the "You are my wife, good bye city life" would not be allowed today and will someday soon be censored in reruns as it is so antithetical to the liberal ethos. Soon
Something I've noticed about moving to a new place: You'll occasionally look back on it and feel a little heartsick about having left it. You'll miss certain things about the the old place too. But after a while, those longings will fade away.
The last state I lived in before moving to Sicily was Rhode Island, a real "Blue" shithole with onerous taxes, a dictatorial, entrenched ruling class, lousy public schools, horribly business-unfriendly laws and an annoying Trustafarian class of moneyed, whacko leftists who always get their way as far as policy goes. Yeah, there are some good restaurants and some "culture" too. But I was very glad, ecstatic in fact, to permanently GTFO of there.
Experienced a serious learning curve moving to a small, hilltop town in Sicily and yes, there are times I miss the US. And I even miss some things about shitty, busted-out Rhode Island, like clamcakes, fried clams, NY System weiners and a few of the cool, live music venues. But that's about it now.
Try staying in Idaho and I'm pretty sure your wife will eventually settle in. At the very least you'll "flush out" her true intentions.
There’s no room for negotiations... sounds like family first may not be your wife’s first priority.
Marriage is 50/50... If there’s no room for compromise...
Okay, I’ll go there: sounds like this may have more to do with what or who was left in California.
My suggestion: find new friends in Idaho. If she insists on the ultimatum, call her bluff. You’re doing it for the kids.
What, if i can ask, are you doing with him, unless you are a type of liberal also, living together outside marriage (but do NOT marry him), perhaps under the premise of "missionary dating?"
The issue is that he did not say she would stay but that "I could stay (she offered it) but lose my family, or go and just deal with the insanity." She evidently does not consider the man to be quarterback.
Indeed...’Remember Lot’s wife.’
Condolences. I wonder just exactly what “culture” does your beloved miss in California.
think this post is a “tongue in cheek” joke,
————OR she’s not nearly as conservative as you claim.
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