when someone is ready to go.. you just have to be willing to let them go. I am sorry.
Have you had her seen by a geriatric medicine specialist?
I think she’s trying to tell you something she cannot verbalize...it may be hard for you, but she wants to die.
Maybe have a frank conversation with her about what is going on, and what she is doing.
If she wants to go, no one can give another the will to live. If shes trying to just get attention, just tell hr mission accomplished and pun down exactly what shes trying to get from you.
It sounds like it would be difficult at this stage of her life, but do you think you could get her to sign a durable power of attorney? That’s the best way to take charge of her health care needs.
Sounds she needs to be in a hospice.
Stay with her. Tell her you love her. Tell her about things you remember when you were growing up. Hold her hand. Thank her for all she did for her. Keep her comfortable. Give her love.
Same exact situation that happened to my 93 year old uncle. He just gave and said he was ready to die. I was his only local relative and thankfully he lived in assisted living.
There is not much you can do at this point. Hate to be barer of bad news but this is common.
It'd not only make her more comfortable, but you too.
Hospice isn't necessarily a death sentence; I know.
If she has a doctor following her consult with him. The fall may have destabilized her mental status; or at 94, and with possibly dementia, she may be entering an end of life depression. The refusal to eat is the key. Sadly I know but she may just be ready to go. Be kind to her and don’t force her.
Sounds like she would qualify for hospice care. This is happening to my mom right now in our home. Stopping eating is the beginning of the end. It’s ok. Apply for hospice through a kind doctor who will understand. They will also help you deal with your feelings of desperation. Death is not worse than suffering in bed in diapers waiting to die.
I am sorry. I will pray for both you and your mother.
I’m sorry. My dad did this before he died. He was 92 and in assisted living. We had set up hospice a few weeks before he passed. Have you contacted hospice?
If you have a Home Health agency - contact them. They deal with this quite a bit - and hospice as Grampa Dave said.
Have been through what you’re experiencing.
Call an ER and tell them the problem. They should be able to advise you or connect you to someone who can. I’m no expert but it sounds like she’s very depressed. If she is not competent, a doctor can determine that and act accordingly. I’ve been through this. Good luck and you have my prayers.
You stated the answer: in-home nutritional therapy by private nurses— if you are willing to go that route.
But deal with your expectations. It may just be time for her. I sang hymns to my mom.
Prayers for you and her! My dear late mom ate like a bird most of her life, however, in her last years, she would eat sweet things like fruits, jams, Pepperage Farms cookies and (yes, gross) Sweet & Low sprinkled on buttered bread. So, I’m just wondering if you can entice her with her favorite sweets...
However, statistically they don't prolong life: careful spoon feeding of her favorite foods is the preferred way.
And check if she has a Urinary tract infection or another minor infection or constipation or chronic pain (e.g. arthritis). A visiting nurse can evaluate her for these things better than an ER visit.
The book “The Summer of the Great Grandmother” by Madeline L’Engle tells the story of caring for her mother.
I have read the organs are shutting down, food is not required. Sign the body is preparing to die.
My mother was very strong willed. She said that she would never die — we could never discuss the issue. Eventually she started failing, agreed to Hospice and refused to eat or drink. She was more at peace than in years. She faded so slowly that the time of death was rather obscure. Death freed her from 10 years of daily struggle. It was hard on us, but she is at rest.