[Homer_J_Simpson]

The Secession Excitement: Letter from Hon. John Bell – 2-3
Our Own Correspondence – 3-5
Latest Reports from the South – 5-6
The Navy and Secession – 6
The Slave-Trade – 6
Markets by Telegraph – 6
Philadelphia Stock Board – 6
Passengers Sailed, Passengers Arrived – 6

[BillyBoy]

John Bell, 1860: Hi! I’m John Bell, the Presidential nominee of the Constitution Union Party. I’m neutral on slavery! My position is simply that the Union MUST be preserved at all costs, no matter what. I don’t believe in secession.

John Bell, 1861: Nevermind.