Posted on 10/30/2020 9:33:17 PM PDT by upchuck
For all the geezers out there:
When one door closes and another door opens, you’re probably in prison.
To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.
Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 PM is the new midnight.
It's the start of a brand new day and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"
When you ask me what I’m doing today and I say "nothing," it doesn’t mean I’m free. It means I’m doing nothing.
I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
I run like the winded.
I hate when a couple argues in public and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."
Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.
Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.
** A big hat tip to my friend Bill in Louisville for this.
Save for later
Good ones! Thanks, I needed that.
This list is great :)
I don’t know why I’m sharing this but it is time for a new bed as the side I sleep on has gotten lower than the other side!
Lowest at my head.
I’ve gotten so out of shape that I have to hop over to the higher middle part when I sit up to get up :)
even with the weight, I’m quite sure I could have gotten up easily from any point 10 years ago.
My God, now that I write it, it really is as terrible as it sounds!
Diet time!!
Glad you like the list :)
bttt
I bookmarked this for later use. I need a new mattress myself. https://freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/3897856/posts
I did the splits today, slipped on a wet rug on the porch. It was some freaking high school cheerleader splits too. Didn’t know that was even possible at my age. I’m surprised I didn’t smash some jewels. I’m doing fine now, but I bet I’ll pay for this tomorrow.
Hey I saw that one and I asked a question on it. :)
I will have to get a reinforced one LOL
Thanks
You have my sympathy. If I did that something would break for sure :)
I should have known better. I read months ago rugs are what puts seniors in the hospital more than anything else.
This is Himself:
I don’t mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
And this is Me:
Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That’ll freak you right out.
*Totally*
:D
I’ll save these as my memory isn’t what it used to be. I especially liked the joke about *** Now what was it about.
I once spent 30 seconds in a guy’s head. Didn’t faze me at all, but HE was never the same.
Still cracking up—thank you!
Huh?! :(
What?! :(
I need to lighten up again. ;)
ping
You’re welcome.
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