Posted on 10/05/2020 3:30:08 AM PDT by sodpoodle
I dated a Japanese girl with one leg shorter than the other. Her name was Irene.
*ahem* Last line of my post :)
Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
Believe it or not, pounding a wooden stake through a vampire’s heart works even if the guy happens to not be a vampire...
We are at the Beach and my wife was arrested for having a flat chest, so we sued, the Judge tossed the case due to insuffient evidence.
My bird told me it had contracted chirpes, the canarial disease. Unfortunately, it was untweetable.
What do you call a man with no arms or legs ...
... hanging on the wall? Art.
... on the front porch? Matt.
... in the pool? Bob.
... in the hot-tub? Stu.
I have the biggest seashell collection in the history of mankind. I keep it scattered on the beaches throughout the world.
Another Steve Wright.
This one is sure to offend... But my son brought it home from school and I have to share it:
Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she understands.
I know... I know... I awful.
This one is sure to offend... But my son brought it home from school and I have to share it:
Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she understands.
I know... I know... I awful.
What do you call a dog with no legs??
Call him whatever you want, he still won’t come to you.
What do you do for a dog with no legs?
Take him for a drag.
THE PREACHER AND THE RETIRED CHIEF’S WIFE!
Out in town....a Preacher was explaining that he must move on to a larger congregation that could pay him more.
There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave.
Joe Smith, who owns several car dealerships in town stands up and proclaims,
“If the Preacher stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac every year, and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!”
The congregation sighs in relief, and applauds.
Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and investor, stands and says,
“If the Preacher will stay on here, I’ll personally double his salary, and also establish a foundation to guarantee the college education of all his children!
“More sighs and loud applause.
Joe Tavares stands up and says ,if the preacher stays I will provide him with all the wine he wants.
Finally a retired Chief’s wife, Sadie, age 88, stands and announces with a smile...
“If the Preacher stays, I will give him sex!”
There is total silence. The Preacher, blushing, asks her,.......
“Sadie, whatever possessed you to say that?”
Sadie’s 90 year old husband, a retired Navy Boatswain Mate Chief is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies,.....
“Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said,.......
“Screw him!”
Isn’t senility wonderful?
"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."
Groucho Marx
Lazy? Ha. If Laziness could be an Olympic sport, I would purposefully come in 4th so I wouldn’t have to go and stand on any podium. :)
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.