Posted on 08/20/2020 3:38:01 PM PDT by bitt
Start your livers.
The DNC drinking game Monday night was so painful (and Tuesday was worse), that Ive decided to shorten the game tonight to cover Joe Bidens acceptance speech only.
I watched Biden speak probably a half-dozen times during the primary campaign, and perhaps a half-dozen times before. He has definite tendencies, and his stump speech hits the same six or seven notes every time, but convention addresses are different. Every line, every word, will be scripted. There shouldnt be ad-libs, freak-outs at hecklers, etc.
Guessing what an unscripted Joe Biden will do at any given moment is pretty interesting. Here were basically trying to guess what Biden and his handlers have decided to put on a teleprompter.
Biden will be speaking sometime after 9 p.m. I will be live-streaming with Katie Halper. Details to follow.
Drink EVERY TIME:
Biden says, Folks.
Biden says, The United States of America. Double-shots for any multiple-America construction, e.g. The best America is an America where Americans believe in the American dream.
Biden says, Middle-class.
Biden says, Get up! as in, Folks, youve got to get up! This is the United States of America!
Biden says, You guys.
Biden says, Barack or references the Obama-Biden administration.
Biden says, Soul of America.
Biden points out a surprising percentage of something, e.g. Look, folks, seventy-four percent of venture capital goes to four cities.
Biden says, My Mom used to say or mentions one of his fathers relatable jobs, e.g. He sold a hell of a lot of cars!
Biden makes a self-deprecating joke about his age or his tendency to say puzzling things.
Biden finishes a section of his speech with a rhetorical flourish, and he sounds angry, and you cant tell why, because hes talking about something non-angering.
Biden tells a story about a rewarding interaction with an ordinary person, as in, I walk over to the guy up in the bucket. And theres seven guys around him, all with hard hats on. I yelled up and said, Hey, man, thanks!
Biden references a job youve never heard of, as in Why is a sandwich maker being forced to sign a non-compete clause?
Biden says systemic.
Biden tells us theres nothing we cant accomplish.
Drink the FIRST TIME only:
Biden begins a sentence with, Look.
Biden mentions Scranton.
Biden says something that sounds sort of inappropriate.
You may FINISH THE BOTTLE or QUIT if Biden combines any four of the above in one sentence, e.g. Look, folks, weve got to get up if were going to be the kind of America we know America can be.
Malarkey, as always, is an automatic drink.
Again, apologies to Substack subscribers. Back to grownup content soon.
Take small sips and hydrate. Good luck, America!
And 30 points plus a Biden merit badge if you don't make it in time...
People, no human liver could cope with so many drinking triggers by Joe Blow.
“but only because theyre wanting to see him go off the rails live”
It will not be live. No way in hell.
And nobody will be able to tell.
Ugh...sounds gay.
It will be per-recorded. If you want to get drunk, just drink every time the video is spliced.
—
Be kind of funny if the video stuttered ala the old Max Headroom show.
My bet is Memorex .
“C’mon man”. How much booze can our liver handle?
How much for a come on man?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
wow, the author missed that one - he’s still recovering from last night though..
I’d give that one at LEAST 20 points because we love it so....
He forgot “ On Day One “
ROTFLMAO
Or is that too much of a slam dunk and a guaranteed shot?
“I’M Joe Biden’s husband”
It don’t get no better
no sure how long the thread will last but it is a good un
“My lady lady lady...”
I wonder if there is a time delay built into the broadcast so they can edit it out if Biden goes completely off the rails?
1000 points if Biden mentions "Corn Pop"
25 points if tells a long and meandering story about his youth in Scranton
25 points if claims to be mentally fit, not a trace of dementia etc.
10 points for ever time he makes a reference that demonstrates how old and out of touch he is (kids these days listening to records, using a phone booth, sending a Fax, etc)
10 points for every minor gaffe (mispronounced name, incorrect date)
25 points for ever moderate gaffe (forgetting what state or city the convention is in, referring to his son as his brother or his sister as his wife)
75 points for a major gaffe (forgetting he's running for President, forgetting the name of his VP)
50 points for any statement that could be construed as racially problematic, (All the Indian 7-11 clerks love me, Trump will put you all back in chains)
10 points for every time he loses his place on the teleprompter (less than 10 seconds to recover)
25 points if he loses his place for more than 10 seconds and obviously sputters and stumbles
50 Points if at some point in the speech he has to make hand signals to an aide to feed him the next line.
I hate that ludicrous smile.
And that picture was probably taken 10 years ago. He looks much, much, much older now.
+++!!
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