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Official Drinking Game, "The Speech Joe Biden Has Been Preparing For His Entire Life" Edition
taibbi.substack.com ^ | 8/20/2020 | Matt Taibbi

Posted on 08/20/2020 3:38:01 PM PDT by bitt

Start your livers.

The DNC drinking game Monday night was so painful (and Tuesday was worse), that I’ve decided to shorten the game tonight to cover Joe Biden’s acceptance speech only.

I watched Biden speak probably a half-dozen times during the primary campaign, and perhaps a half-dozen times before. He has definite tendencies, and his stump speech hits the same six or seven notes every time, but convention addresses are different. Every line, every word, will be scripted. There shouldn’t be ad-libs, freak-outs at hecklers, etc.

Guessing what an unscripted Joe Biden will do at any given moment is pretty interesting. Here we’re basically trying to guess what Biden and his handlers have decided to put on a teleprompter.

Biden will be speaking sometime after 9 p.m. I will be live-streaming with Katie Halper. Details to follow.

Drink EVERY TIME:

Biden says, “Folks.”

Biden says, “The United States of America.” Double-shots for any multiple-America construction, e.g. “The best America is an America where Americans believe in the American dream.”

Biden says, “Middle-class.”

Biden says, “Get up!” as in, “Folks, you’ve got to get up! This is the United States of America!”

Biden says, “You guys.”

Biden says, “Barack” or references the “Obama-Biden administration.”

Biden says, “Soul of America.”

Biden points out a surprising percentage of something, e.g. “Look, folks, seventy-four percent of venture capital goes to four cities.”

Biden says, “My Mom used to say” or mentions one of his father’s relatable jobs, e.g. “He sold a hell of a lot of cars!”

Biden makes a self-deprecating joke about his age or his tendency to say puzzling things.

Biden finishes a section of his speech with a rhetorical flourish, and he sounds angry, and you can’t tell why, because he’s talking about something non-angering.

Biden tells a story about a rewarding interaction with an ordinary person, as in, “I walk over to the guy up in the bucket. And there’s seven guys around him, all with hard hats on. I yelled up and said, ‘Hey, man, thanks!’”

Biden references a job you’ve never heard of, as in “Why is a sandwich maker being forced to sign a non-compete clause?”

Biden says “systemic.”

Biden tells us there’s nothing we can’t accomplish.

Drink the FIRST TIME only:

Biden begins a sentence with, “Look.”

Biden mentions Scranton.

Biden says something that sounds sort of inappropriate.

You may FINISH THE BOTTLE or QUIT if Biden combines any four of the above in one sentence, e.g. “Look, folks, we’ve got to get up if we’re going to be the kind of America we know America can be.”

“Malarkey,” as always, is an automatic drink.

Again, apologies to Substack subscribers. Back to grownup content soon.

Take small sips and hydrate. Good luck, America!


TOPICS:
KEYWORDS: acceptancespeech; bloggers; chat; joebiden
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To: jonrick46
Give yourself 20 points if your drinking causes you to race to the toilet.

And 30 points plus a Biden merit badge if you don't make it in time...

21 posted on 08/20/2020 4:12:15 PM PDT by null and void (Quarantine the sick. Shield the vulnerable. Free everyone else!)
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To: bitt

People, no human liver could cope with so many drinking triggers by Joe Blow.


22 posted on 08/20/2020 4:12:45 PM PDT by StAntKnee (Add your own danged sarc tag)
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To: Spirit of Liberty

“but only because they’re wanting to see him go off the rails ‘live’”

It will not be live. No way in hell.

And nobody will be able to tell.


23 posted on 08/20/2020 4:13:28 PM PDT by Mariner (War Criminal #18)
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To: null and void

Ugh...sounds gay.


24 posted on 08/20/2020 4:14:18 PM PDT by Osage Orange (TRUMP!!!)
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To: JoSixChip

It will be per-recorded. If you want to get drunk, just drink every time the video is spliced.

Be kind of funny if the video stuttered ala the old Max Headroom show.


25 posted on 08/20/2020 4:15:10 PM PDT by Flick Lives (My work's illegal, but at least it's honest. - Capt. Malcolm Reynolds)
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To: bitt
I just want to see him play the banjo.


26 posted on 08/20/2020 4:17:03 PM PDT by Ouchthatonehurt
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To: DAC21

My bet is Memorex .


27 posted on 08/20/2020 4:19:16 PM PDT by katykelly
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To: bitt

“C’mon man”. How much booze can our liver handle?


28 posted on 08/20/2020 4:22:03 PM PDT by BipolarBob (The cost of abortion is a human sacrifice.)
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To: null and void

How much for a ‘come on man’?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

wow, the author missed that one - he’s still recovering from last night though..

I’d give that one at LEAST 20 points because we love it so....


29 posted on 08/20/2020 4:23:43 PM PDT by bitt (IF YOU CAN PROTEST IN PERSON, YOU CAN VOTE IN PERSON— Donald J. Trump)
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To: bitt

He forgot “ On Day One “


30 posted on 08/20/2020 4:33:13 PM PDT by advertising guy (It's all fun and games til someone farts , you don't have a fart on you now do you Swalwell ?)
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To: null and void

ROTFLMAO


31 posted on 08/20/2020 4:36:12 PM PDT by advertising guy (It's all fun and games til someone farts , you don't have a fart on you now do you Swalwell ?)
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To: bitt
Nothing about any references to Jill?

Or is that too much of a slam dunk and a guaranteed shot?

32 posted on 08/20/2020 4:39:34 PM PDT by mellow velo
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To: mellow velo

“I’M Joe Biden’s husband”

It don’t get no better


33 posted on 08/20/2020 4:42:20 PM PDT by advertising guy (It's all fun and games til someone farts , you don't have a fart on you now do you Swalwell ?)
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To: MagUSNRET

no sure how long the thread will last but it is a good un


34 posted on 08/20/2020 4:44:03 PM PDT by advertising guy (It's all fun and games til someone farts , you don't have a fart on you now do you Swalwell ?)
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To: mellow velo

“My lady lady lady...”


35 posted on 08/20/2020 4:57:38 PM PDT by bitt (IF YOU CAN PROTEST IN PERSON, YOU CAN VOTE IN PERSON— Donald J. Trump)
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To: bitt

I wonder if there is a time delay built into the broadcast so they can edit it out if Biden goes completely off the rails?


36 posted on 08/20/2020 4:57:45 PM PDT by Truth29
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To: bitt
We tried this during the RIOTSpeaceful protests, we figured on taking a drink when they broke a window,we had to switch to Burning a Building Down.
37 posted on 08/20/2020 5:25:33 PM PDT by eyeamok
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To: bitt
The Biden Acceptance Speech Scoring System:

1000 points if Biden mentions "Corn Pop"
25 points if tells a long and meandering story about his youth in Scranton
25 points if claims to be mentally fit, not a trace of dementia etc.
10 points for ever time he makes a reference that demonstrates how old and out of touch he is (kids these days listening to records, using a phone booth, sending a Fax, etc)
10 points for every minor gaffe (mispronounced name, incorrect date)
25 points for ever moderate gaffe (forgetting what state or city the convention is in, referring to his son as his brother or his sister as his wife)
75 points for a major gaffe (forgetting he's running for President, forgetting the name of his VP)
50 points for any statement that could be construed as racially problematic, (All the Indian 7-11 clerks love me, Trump will put you all back in chains)
10 points for every time he loses his place on the teleprompter (less than 10 seconds to recover)
25 points if he loses his place for more than 10 seconds and obviously sputters and stumbles
50 Points if at some point in the speech he has to make hand signals to an aide to feed him the next line.

38 posted on 08/20/2020 5:40:33 PM PDT by apillar
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To: jonrick46

I hate that ludicrous smile.

And that picture was probably taken 10 years ago. He looks much, much, much older now.


39 posted on 08/20/2020 5:57:11 PM PDT by Reddy ( B.O. stinks)
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To: apillar

+++!!


40 posted on 08/20/2020 6:24:52 PM PDT by bitt (IF YOU CAN PROTEST IN PERSON, YOU CAN VOTE IN PERSON— Donald J. Trump)
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