Posted on 07/10/2020 4:23:32 AM PDT by sodpoodle
Baptizing Paddy
Paddy is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds into the water, subsequently bumping into the preacher.
The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon, he asks him, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"
Paddy shouts, "Yes, oi am."
So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.
He pulls him back and asks, "Brother, have you found Jesus?"
Paddy replies, "No, oi haven't found Jesus!"
The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him again but for a little longer.
He again pulls him out of the water and asks, "Have you found Jesus, me brother?"
Paddy answers, "No, oi haven't found Jesus!"
By this time, the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk Paddy again -- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds, and when he begins kicking his arms and legs about, he pulls him up. The preacher again asks him, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?"
(get ready for this.....)
Paddy staggers upright, wipes his eyes, coughs up a bit of water, catches his breath, and says to the preacher,
"Are you sure this is where he fell in"?!
down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador retriever in the middle sea next to the man.
The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane.
The second man explained that he was from the
Drug Enforcement Agency and that the dog was a sniffing dog. "His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work."
The plane took off, and once it had leveled out, the agent said, "Watch this."
He told Sniffer to 'search’. Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the agent's arm.
The agent said, "Good boy.", and he turned to the man and said, "That woman is in possession of marijuana. I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land."
"Gee, that's pretty good", replied the first man.
Once again, the agent sent Sniffer to search the aisles.
The lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent's arm.
The agent said, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police."
"I like it!", said his seat mate.
The agent then told Sniffer to 'search' again. Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat, and proceeded to poop on the seat!
The first man was really disgusted by this behavior and couldn't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that. So he asked the agent, "What's going on?"
The agent nervously replied, "He's just found a bomb."
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LOL!
Two snakes are slithering along. Snake #1 says, “Hey, are we venomous?” Snake #2 says, “I don’t think so.” Snake #1 says, “Oh good, ‘cause I just bit my tongue.”
LOL!
The only relief from these turbulent days is humor.
What did the boy strawberry say to the girl strawberry when they were in a jar of jelly?
If we had not been so fresh we wouldn’t be in this jam.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
.
.
.
A friend you can count on.
What’s Irish, and stays out all night?
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