Mine is too and in the 4 or 5 years I've had her, she still won't let me pick her up........
She loves chasing the laser dot and sits on the kitchen floor in the morning staring at me and the laser until I get it out and let her chase it......
She'll occasionally get on my bed at night but only the far corner away from me.........Weird....
I have a feral tortie like that. I’ve picked her up twice when I had to trap her to take her to the vet. She does cuddle up with another cat on my bed at night, and i can hear her purr -——— but I sooooo want to hold and cuddle her!!!