[Teotwawki]

Seems to me that if someone is involuntarily celibate, then losing their hand (and several fingers on the other hand), they're pretty much out of options.

[cloudmountain]

He is one sick puppy.
He needs Jesus.

[robowombat]

you and he would be surprised at the number of ‘propositions’ this nut case receives from females, quite a few good looking ones.

[Trillian]

I had to see if this was the bee.
Now he’s going to get it against his will.

[tinyowl]

Hand’s Off! Don’t Shoot!

[SaxxonWoods]

So far so good, the explosives work!

[AnotherUnixGeek]

Sometimes karma doesn’t wait for the next life.

[Southside_Chicago_Republican]

I went into this thinking it was another Florida Man story. Nope. Virginia.

[Ouchthatonehurt]

Asked how his love life was going he replied, “I’m holding my own.”

[Trump.Deplorable]

Well that just ruined his love life

[GnuThere]

Well that’s somewhat Freudian, or is it just me?

[windsorknot]

One less hand to sin with.

[Hillarys Gate Cult]

He couldn’t get hot cheerleaders so he had to settle for hot shrapnel.

A 23 year old planning any type of action on cheerleaders is disturbing by itself.

[ronniesgal]

what a schmooley!

[Menehune56]

Comments at the original article are funny too.

[ClearCase_guy]

He survived the accident and his risk of going blind is much reduced.

[FormerFRLurker]

Sometimes the jokes just write themselves. Florida Man’s got competition!

[Kenny Bania]

[SauronOfMordor]

I don’t understand. No matter how ugly or socially awkward he is, getting a prostitute is a better option than bombing cheerleaders.

[Tax-chick]

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

[deport]