Skip to comments.China: 'We've Completely Cured Coronavirus And Everything Is Fine Here And No One Is Allowed In To Check' SATIRE
Posted on 03/27/2020 12:12:18 PM PDT by gattaca
BEIJINGPresident of the Peoples Republic of China Xi Jinping made a surprise announcement to a few invited members of the press. Everything is great here! he said. In fact... um... weve completely eradicated Coronavirus here -- cured it even. Yep, cured it. We found a cure. But it... um... only works on the Chinese so we cant give it to you. Yeah, thats the ticket. China-only cure; cant share it. But, uh, everything's perfectly all right now. We're fine. We're all fine here, now, thank you. How are you?"
During the press conference, a lot of commotion was heard outside, such as shouting and explosions. Xi eventually remarked on it. What you hear outside is... um... a party! Yep, thats what it is. A big party. Everything is so great, were having one big party. But no one else is allowed in the country to see it because... its a private party. China-only party. But its got... um... dragons and fireworks -- you know, typical Chinese stuff. Im sure you can all imagine it and dont need to see it. So anyway, we defeated the Coronavirus -- which was made by the U.S. military and has nothing to do with us -- and everything is great and were having a party, but you all have to get out now and leave us to it and stop saying I look like Winnie the Pooh because I dont -- I look like Tom Cruise. Xi then ended the press conference and took no questions since he explained everything perfectly.
American journalists quickly reacted to the news. China is so much better than the stupid U.S.! I wish we were China! said an editorial in The New York Times. If we werent banned from seeing inside, we would live in China. And at Trumps next press conference, the Times writer's first question was, Why cant you be China?
Not from ‘ding bang pow’s”(China premier) view point. Reality to him or else.
Kind of California’s attitude about voter fraud.
Gee, here I thought that the Babylon Bee was satire, who knew?
Secret vaccine or bald faced lie?
Pay no attention to the man behind the bamboo curtain.
According to this 90 SECOND video, NBC (NatteringBoobs Communications) had to cancel theirs. Folks, this AIN’T a PANdemic. It’s a SCAMdemic! HOMER KNEW! Move one level up the food chain & you’ll find ALL the USUAL SUSPECTS!
There’s no one left but this recording
From the Babylon Bee article:
China is so much better than the stupid U.S.! I wish we were China! said an editorial in The New York Times.
I thought BB was a satire website?
These natives in China and their cops are not keeping the 6’ separation rule.
This is getting bad when I now search for input from the BabBee!!
Loved the Star Wars reference.
Thanks for the humor, Babylon Bee...
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