Posted on 03/19/2020 2:50:59 AM PDT by sodpoodle
A Lexophile" describes those who have a love for words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "To write with a broken pencil is pointless."
An annual competition is held by the New York Times to see who can create the best original lexophile.
This year's submissions:
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore.
I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
A will is a dead giveaway.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.
A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.
He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.
Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.
I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
When chemists die, they barium.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.
“”To write with a broken pencil is pointless.””
That’s why they put pencils on erasers!
Boomerangs are coming back!
I didn’t know the jogger was a magician until I saw him turn into my street.
When they re-opened Beethoven’s tomb he said “shut the door, I’m busy decomposing.
There are three kinds of people in this world: those who can count and those who can't.
British Orthodonture
Saving for later. Thanks.
mark
I once had a broken vacuum cleaner. I put a Justin Bieber sticker on it so now it sucks again.
Winner winner chicken dinner!
It goes like this: “I couldn’t figure out why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.”
Thank you. Please keep it up. I teach English online and always need more such jokes to start class.
Lexophile = Dad jokes
This is a great list things for a father to say to teenage children!
Some of the supposed entries seem familiar.
.
Steven Wright fan here
What kind of crack is that?
You can lead a horse to water but a pencil has to be lead.
The problem with some people: Give ‘em an inch and they think they’re a ruler!
Kind of like “I got my a$$ kicked by some Kung Flu”!
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Thanks
Regards
alfa6 ;>}
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