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Lexophiles
email | 3/19/2020 | unknown

Posted on 03/19/2020 2:50:59 AM PDT by sodpoodle

A Lexophile" describes those who have a love for words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "To write with a broken pencil is pointless."

An annual competition is held by the New York Times to see who can create the best original lexophile.

This year's submissions:

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore.

I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.

Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

When chemists die, they barium.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.


TOPICS: Chit/Chat
KEYWORDS: clever
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To: sodpoodle

“”To write with a broken pencil is pointless.””

That’s why they put pencils on erasers!


21 posted on 03/19/2020 3:49:09 AM PDT by equaviator (There's nothing like the universe to bring you down to earth.)
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To: sodpoodle

Boomerangs are coming back!


22 posted on 03/19/2020 4:24:24 AM PDT by NonLinear (Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.)
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To: sodpoodle

I didn’t know the jogger was a magician until I saw him turn into my street.


23 posted on 03/19/2020 4:25:20 AM PDT by NonLinear (Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.)
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To: sodpoodle

When they re-opened Beethoven’s tomb he said “shut the door, I’m busy decomposing.


24 posted on 03/19/2020 4:25:33 AM PDT by ImJustAnotherOkie (All I know is The I read in the papers.)
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To: coaster123
There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don’t.

There are three kinds of people in this world: those who can count and those who can't.

25 posted on 03/19/2020 4:27:24 AM PDT by NurdlyPeon (It is the nature of liberals to pervert whatever they touch.)
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To: ClearCase_guy

British Orthodonture


26 posted on 03/19/2020 4:36:46 AM PDT by Cletus.D.Yokel (Scatology is serendipitous)
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To: sodpoodle

Saving for later. Thanks.


27 posted on 03/19/2020 4:37:54 AM PDT by WhattheDickens? (Is anybody there?)
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To: sodpoodle

mark


28 posted on 03/19/2020 4:41:19 AM PDT by Cvengr ( Adversity in life & death is inevitable; Stress is optional through faith in Christ.)
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To: sodpoodle

I once had a broken vacuum cleaner. I put a Justin Bieber sticker on it so now it sucks again.


29 posted on 03/19/2020 4:48:11 AM PDT by Bloody Sam Roberts (There is not a climate bedwetter who is not a total hypocrite.)
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To: Bloody Sam Roberts

Winner winner chicken dinner!


30 posted on 03/19/2020 5:08:56 AM PDT by Free in Texas (Celebrate diversity. Own firearms of every caliber.)
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To: Responsibility2nd

It goes like this: “I couldn’t figure out why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.”


31 posted on 03/19/2020 5:13:02 AM PDT by nonsporting (MAGA -- Make America Godly Again)
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To: sodpoodle

Thank you. Please keep it up. I teach English online and always need more such jokes to start class.


32 posted on 03/19/2020 5:20:54 AM PDT by Belteshazzar (We are not justified by our works but by faith - De Jacob et vita beata 2 +Ambrose of Milan)
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To: sodpoodle

Lexophile = Dad jokes

This is a great list things for a father to say to teenage children!


33 posted on 03/19/2020 5:28:28 AM PDT by Alas Babylon! (The prisons do not fill themselves. Get moving, Barr!)
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To: sodpoodle

Some of the supposed entries seem familiar.
………………………………………………………………………….
Steven Wright fan here


34 posted on 03/19/2020 5:30:32 AM PDT by nuconvert ( Warning: Accused of being a radical militarist. Approach with caution.)
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To: sodpoodle
Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

What kind of crack is that?

35 posted on 03/19/2020 5:42:30 AM PDT by IronJack
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To: sodpoodle

You can lead a horse to water but a pencil has to be lead.


36 posted on 03/19/2020 6:47:05 AM PDT by folkquest (Pax et Bonum!)
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To: dp0622

The problem with some people: Give ‘em an inch and they think they’re a ruler!


37 posted on 03/19/2020 6:48:00 AM PDT by folkquest (Pax et Bonum!)
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To: sodpoodle

Kind of like “I got my a$$ kicked by some Kung Flu”!


38 posted on 03/19/2020 8:51:06 AM PDT by jimmygrace
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To: goldbux

* * *


39 posted on 03/19/2020 2:26:41 PM PDT by goldbux (No sufficiently rich interpreted language can represent its own semantics. — Alfred Tarski, 1936)
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To: sodpoodle

Thanks

Regards

alfa6 ;>}


40 posted on 03/19/2020 4:35:20 PM PDT by alfa6
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