Posted on 10/18/2019 7:19:18 PM PDT by Dr. Sivana
WASHINGTON, D.C.—According to sources at a DC-area Costco, failed presidential candidate Hillary Clinton was asked to leave Costco again after repeatedly accusing a lady handing out food samples of being a Russian asset.
It wasn't clear how Clinton had ended up in the Costco, as she usually has her servants' servants go to the market for her. Some suggested she wanted to disguise herself and go be among her subjects to see how the other 99% lives.
Whatever the case, the sample lady had apparently offered the failed presidential candidate a small paper cup of orange juice and told her the packs were on sale for $9.49 when the incident occurred.
"Orange... orange like Trump!" Clinton screamed suddenly, frightening the poor food demonstration worker. "You're in league with him, aren't you!?" The failed presidential candidate lunged across the cart and attempted to pull off her face mask, certain the lady was actually Vladimir Putin in a skin suit.
When that failed and the woman shooed her off with a plastic glove, Clinton turned for help and began screaming, "Security! Margaret in the frozen foods aisle is a Russian asset! Help, help, our elections are being meddled with!"
Guards arrived but relaxed when they saw it was just Hillary Clinton. "OK, lady, let's go," they said, grabbing her by each arm.
"Thank goodness you're here!" Clinton cried. "Arrest that woman! Can't someone help me out!?"
"Oh yeah, sure, lady, we'll help you out," the guards said, snickering as they dragged her toward the front door.
According to sources at the Costco, this is the third time this has happened this week.
HEADLINE ABBREVIATED FOR LENGTH. Original was "Hillary Clinton Asked To Leave Costco After Repeatedly Accusing Sample Lady Of Being A Russian Asset"
Thank God Hillary wasn’t using an electric cart, she might have run over the server lady. I bet HRC’s picture is shown with the definition for “the old ball and chain”
LOL…another great satire from the folks at Babylon Bee. With Hillary obviously losing her mind, it’s no telling who she’ll be attacking as a Russian asset tomorrow.
The second stage of wet brain is called Korsakoff’s psychosis or Korsakoff’s syndrome. Symptoms of Korsakoff’s psychosis:
Memory loss
Inability to form new memories
Making up stories
Auditory and visual hallucinations
Some of these Babylon Bee satires are truly lame. This is definitely one of them.
Good satire is barely distinguishable from truth. John Semmens is a master at it.
I agree John Semmens is a master. But remember, his semi-news/semi-satire posts start with something that actually DID happen. That lends a greater veracity to the remainder of the piece. I often find it difficult to tell where the reality stops and the satire starts.
Then again, 10 years ago, what is our current reality would have been deemed satire. Or worse.
The Babylon Bee takes off into the blue from the git-go. It's not lame, it's just ahead of its time.
Look back and read their stuff in 5 or 10 years. It'll read like the straight news of the future. Just you wait...
She went to the ladies’ room. She noticed they were out of TP. So she wiped her backside, like, with a cloth. That didn’t go over well either.
Dissing on the Bee? You must be a Russian spy!
Hillary accused Tulsi of being a Russian asset with no more basis than this.
” I often find it difficult to tell where the reality stops and the satire starts.”
But that is exactly how it should be. It’s the subtle, believable exaggeration that makes it fun, delicious and effective.
This last piece by BB is totally unbelievable and unfunny from the get go.
“Look back and read their stuff in 5 or 10 years. It’ll read like the straight news of the future. Just you wait...”
Don’t think so. This one is going to age like bad cheese.
I liked it. Obviously false but weaved together many true things from the rotten one: being carried out by the arms, third time, falsely accusing of Russian asset, triggered by Trump, and having to get servants go to market. Also mocked her: “just Hillary” and “failed presidential candidate”. And despite its left leanings, I like Costco.
“Dissing on the Bee? You must be a Russian spy!”
For your information, I’m not a spy, but an asset.
My assets everywhere I go if I can find something to have that Russian set on. When it’s cold I drag my Russian asset into a warm place and that’s where it sets. I feel your pain. :)
> But that is exactly how it should be. It’s the subtle, believable exaggeration that makes it fun, delicious and effective.
Precisely. That's why I'm on Semmens' ping list -- I love the challenge of figuring out where he takes off. :-)
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