Posted on 07/01/2019 12:06:35 PM PDT by CondoleezzaProtege
In American culture, we believe that men can never be entirely trusted in the realm of the physical. We collectively suspect that, given the opportunity, men will collapse into the sexual at a moment’s notice. That men don’t know how to physically connect otherwise. That men can’t control themselves. That men are dogs.
There is no corresponding narrative about women.
And where does this leave men? Physically and emotionally isolated. Cut off from the deeply human physical contact that is proven to reduce stress, encourage self esteem and create community. Instead, we walk in the vast crowds of our cities alone in a desert of disconnection. Starving for physical connection.
How often do men actually get the opportunity to express affection through long lasting platonic touch? How often does it happen between men? Or between men and women? Not a hand shake or a hug, but lasting physical contact between two people that is comforting and personal but not sexual. Between persons who are not lovers and never will be. Think, holding hands. Or leaning on each other. Sitting together...And if you are a man, imagine a five minutes of contact with another man. How quickly does that idea raise the ugly specter of homophobia? And why?
I doubt its a question the average Italian man would ever ask himself. But here in America, generations of Puritanical sexual shaming have made it a central question. By putting the fear of the sexual first in all our interactions, we have thrown out the baby with the bathwater, avoiding all contact rather than risk even the hint of unwanted sexual touch.
American culture leaves boys few options. While aggression on the basketball court or bullying in the locker room often results in sporadic moments of human contact, gentleness likely does not...
(Excerpt) Read more at goodmenproject.com ...
Sounds like the author is the “Joe Biden” of the twinkie crowd.
Correct. Continue.
being raised in the italian culture, there is plenty of platonic touching, embracing, kissing and rough housing...
this article is whack!
Hear! Hear!
I’m not a guy, but the men in our church shake hands coming and going, will put their hand on the shoulder of another man who comes up front to be prayed for, and give one another an occasional wack on the back, when indicated, for a job of some sort, done well. That’s about the gist of it, and that seems like enough mano a mano to me.
ROFL! That picture cracks me up, no matter how many times I see it! The look on that cop’s face is PRICELESS! Republicans oughta use it as a campaign ad: “Gathering of men at the local coffee shop -— $25. Look on the face of the cop Joe’s molesting -— PRICELESS!”
I always find these guys are horn-dog arguments interesting. After thirty years of observing people across all 50 states, I have concluded that if you could actually perform a 100% accurate survey tracking people from 15 to 50, you would find that by the time the subjects reached 50, the average woman have had far more sexual encounters with far more partners than the average man. A large percentage by at least an order of magnitude regardless of marital status.
Reminds me of an ad I saw in a paper ones....”Monosexual wanted for mutual alone-ness...No Touching!”
“What a twit. I hate being touched by anyone who is not immediate family.”
I’m with you on this— I will not sit on a couch between people, eeks me out. Family members and girlfriend I’m good with.
Never had many platonic friendships with women, unless they are wife or girlfriend of one of my buddies. They would still be in the class of untouchables though.
Can't speak for other men but I cannot be "friends" with a woman whom I find physically attractive. I can certainly be polite,cooperative,etc with such a woman (for example a work colleague).
Every now and then, I need for a true friend to pull my finger. Will you pull my finger?
Does it ever occur to these pussifiers that men are content with the amount of “contact” we currently have? We’re not pining away because our homies don’t hold our hands or give us lingering hugs. We’re okay with a rough handshake or a clap on the back.
Why?
Because we’re not women. And we don’t want to be.
Baloney, ever seen a hockey game? Sure, there’s fighting, but there is also tons of running into arms and hugging and grabbing when they win or score. Probably all sports. Today’s young man is ok with hugging, back slapping, arms around his buddies. Gay young people are out. So no one is desperately hiding their sexuality and trying to overcompensate by never touching another man.
Holy hell, our president touched Kim Jong about 3 times in the first couple minutes. It’s ok for men to touch. It doesn’t mean anything bad. Someone who bullies a kid for “gay” because he hugged his buddy will be the one who gets socially isolated.
Take a look at the snapshots from WWII. Notice something?
The guys quite often are leaning on each other or have their arms casually draped over one another's shoulders.
Holding hands, not so much. :)
But that is the kind of touching I think that the author is talking about. He is however wrong about why it stopped. It was not because of "Puritanical sexual shaming" but the LACK of it. We are bombarded with sex. Everything is sexual, even when it is not. We have been conditioned to see sex in everything. So a guy putting his arm around you is sex because everybody is out of the closet and shoving their sexual persona in our face.
Women have less trouble with it but even among women you will find less touching. And it is all for the same reason. If everything is about sex then any sort of touch means that you will welcome sexual advances from the person you touched.
It is really rather horrible.
I gotta ask, Yaelle.
Are you a man or a woman?
If woman, please don't tell me what is "ok" for a man to do. We'll figure out our own business, thanks.
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