The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men's Lives is a Killer

The Good Men Project ^ | June 2018 | Mark Greene

[CondoleezzaProtege]

In American culture, we believe that men can never be entirely trusted in the realm of the physical. We collectively suspect that, given the opportunity, men will collapse into the sexual at a moment’s notice. That men don’t know how to physically connect otherwise. That men can’t control themselves. That men are dogs.

There is no corresponding narrative about women.

And where does this leave men? Physically and emotionally isolated. Cut off from the deeply human physical contact that is proven to reduce stress, encourage self esteem and create community. Instead, we walk in the vast crowds of our cities alone in a desert of disconnection. Starving for physical connection.

How often do men actually get the opportunity to express affection through long lasting platonic touch? How often does it happen between men? Or between men and women? Not a hand shake or a hug, but lasting physical contact between two people that is comforting and personal but not sexual. Between persons who are not lovers and never will be. Think, holding hands. Or leaning on each other. Sitting together...And if you are a man, imagine a five minutes of contact with another man. How quickly does that idea raise the ugly specter of homophobia? And why?

I doubt its a question the average Italian man would ever ask himself. But here in America, generations of Puritanical sexual shaming have made it a central question. By putting the fear of the sexual first in all our interactions, we have thrown out the baby with the bathwater, avoiding all contact rather than risk even the hint of unwanted sexual touch.

American culture leaves boys few options. While aggression on the basketball court or bullying in the locker room often results in sporadic moments of human contact, gentleness likely does not...

[humblegunner]

Think, holding hands. Or leaning on each other. Sitting together...And if you are a man, imagine a five minutes of contact with another man. How quickly does that idea raise the ugly specter of homophobia? And why?

This is gay.

[bagster]

When I feel sad and lonely, I touch myself.

Platonically.

#ProblemSolved

[bagster]

This is gay.

Beyond gay.

Super gay.

[Hot Tabasco]

and skinny Italian dress shoes?

...and man buns, don't forget the man buns!

[fr_freak]

I once witnessed a man be horribly humiliated by a supervisor in front of others. Later we were talking and I wanted so much to give him a hug and show support, and I thought he could have used that.

That's where the clap on the shoulder comes in. "Screw that a-hole" you say, as you give a pat on the shoulder and walk to the coffee machine. Alternatively, you say "Beer after work?" and then you proceed to get intoxicated while you talk about how much of an a-hole the boss is.

[Fido969]

That men are dogs.

Woof! Woof!

[TomServo]

That men are dogs.

And we're pigs, too. Dogs - Pigs. UNITE!!!

[bagster]

How quickly does that idea raise the ugly specter of homophobia?

I am of the opinion that homophobia is not an "ugly specter" but an important part of the natural world.

Signed,

Bagster the Natural Man

[9YearLurker]

Very neat and tidy man buns, of course!

[cyclotic]

I help lead a boys outdoor adventure troop. A year ago, we were having a recruiting meeting with a bunch of new families. I popped up a Power Point slide with a picture of one of our boys scaling a climbing wall about 30’ in the air, another of a young boy shooting his first BB gun and Pajama Boy.

The text on the slide simply said “Which do you want your son to be?”

Yea, it worked

[lee martell]

Behavior within families is one thing. Trump still hugs and kisses his adult sons as he pleases, which is how it should be. Do what works for you and for your family or small circle of real friends. Behavior out in the adult social world can be very different. I don’t see our society changing that much too soon, not even with the Millenials.

Women have always been more free to hug, smooch and tap a listeners hand without negative consequence. This seems to be what the women themselves wish to do. I am fine with it, but I let the woman initiate any such contact. I learned a long time ago the proper way to shake a ladies hand; i.e., you don’t crush it in vise. She won’t like you that much more. Not all, of course, but a large percentage appear to be more at ease with kissing and hugging someone they just met. This female custom of friendly, platonic contact continues (paradoxically), in spite of the #MeToo Witch Trials.

[Jamestown1630]

I guess that’s the ‘man’ way :-)

But I think there are times when men probably really want to show physical affection but feel very conflicted about it. Some cultures - like my husband’s Italian one - seem more relaxed and not quite so conflicted about it.

[Dr. Sivana]

I went to a graduate school for a while where there were a number of “recovering alcoholics”. A couple of them subscribed to the Leo Buscaglia school of touch. I got hugged by one of the big ones, and felt like the cat in the Pepe Le Pew cartoons.

[bagster]

But I think there are times when men probably really want to show physical affection...

You would be wrong.

#AmbassadorForMen

[Jamestown1630]

Well, that’s what you SAY.

[CaptainPhilFan]

[Skooz]

Hug me.

[Jimmy The Snake]

Why wouldn’t Facebook align with the left. They are the social platform for Big Brother propaganda and monitoring of citizens.

[bagster]

...and felt like the cat in the Pepe Le Pew cartoons.

[Georgia Girl 2]

Bwahaha!