"Yo Cracka Imp, what the hell is a LIII? Is it that Swedish pancake restaurant?"
Oh hello Colon, I think you are conflating IHOP and IKEA somehow...
"Is it one of them flower things they give you when you get off the plane in Hawaii?"
That's a Lei.
"So I got Leied in Hawaii? (rimshot)"
Uh, are you looking into transitioning into a career in comedy or something?
"Why not? There hasn't been a brutha hosting a late night talk show since Arsenio, and everyone is always laughing at me, so I must be hilarious! Now are you gonna tell me what a LIII is?"
"They're Roman Numerals. LIII is 53"
"Fine don't tell me! You don't need to make up crazy LIIIs about what's obviously some honky secret code!"
"Impy, there's someone crawling out of the toilet!!"
"Ah ha, so that's how Colon keeps getting in. Who is it now? Show them in."
"Good evening, Gov'ner."
"Dear God no, that tampon I flushed came to life! Kill it, kill it!"
"Yarr that's the kid who was in that wizard movie. Larry Trotter and the Chamberpot of Victoria's Secret or something like that."
"My real name is Danny Radcliffe, my car broke down and...
Your car broke down in the Chicago sewer system?
"That's right, as an actor I'm always down in the sewers, anyway I was wondering if I could trouble you for a spot of tea while I wait for AAA?"
"I'll fix you some."
Burqa chick! Where have you been? I haven't seen you lately.
"I was elected to the US House."
How the heck did that happen?
"I was just walking by the local democratic party office when they pulled me inside and nominated me to run in a safe district, it was weird."
So Danny, who are you rooting for this Sunday?
"Oh the Rams of course, when Tom Brady pulled that MAGA hat out his locker I feel like that was the moment when as a country we were all like, ‘oh come on, dude!’"
Excuse me you limey bastard, whatduya mean 'as a country'? You just called me Gov'ner and asked for a spot of tea!
"I'm a refugee, from Brexit and all, so I walked here via Mexico. That means I'm an American now, the Speaker of the House said so!"
"Here's your Tea, Danny."
"Oh thanks love, could I trouble you for some sugar?"
"We keep that outside, Commissioner Smith will show you out.
"Yarrg, this way, Larry. The sugar is right there on the sidewalk.
"I'm pretty sure that's snow, not sugar. Say it's awful cold out here."
"Yeah, record lows. Gotta close the door now, cya! You can keep that teacup."
"Wait I only have this light L.A. jacket, and I have to go though your loo to get back to my car..."
"Haha, I'm totally gonna steal that cat's ride! I don't ever care that in doing so I'm fulfilling an unfortunate racial sterotype. Later!"
vs. 
