One-liners

Readers Digest ^ | 10/9/2018 | multiple

[sodpoodle]

The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested. I hear they’re gonna give him a really tough sentence.

Did you hear about the semi-colon that broke the law? He was given two consecutive sentences.

Did you hear about the crook who stole a calendar? He got twelve months.

Q. What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy? A. I don’t know and I don’t care

So what if I don’t know what “Armageddon” means? It’s not the end of the world.

[NutsOnYew]

What's the difference between an empty toothpaste tube and a clown from Amsterdam?

One is a hollow cylinder and the other is a silly Hollander.

[The Barrister]

Uh, no. Your correction is incorrect. “You’re” is a contraction of “you are”. “Your” is the possessive.

You’re (your, yore, yor) welcome.

[mabarker1]

You have one of those Giant Sized Mouses don’t You?

[Lazamataz]

Your correction is incorrect.

*uncorrect.

[mabarker1]

Urin

[The Barrister]

I can spot trolling from a great distance, even with uncorrected vision.

[Lazamataz]

I can spot trolling from a great distance, even with uncorrected vision.

*troling

[Migraine]

Clever. The mouse that roared?

[mabarker1]

It needs a Wash and Wax too.

[Aut Pax Aut Bellum]

If you shoot a mime, do you have to use a silencer?