Posted on 08/30/2018 5:00:29 PM PDT by sodpoodle
Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and is frequently humorous. (Winston Churchill loved them).
1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you … but it's still on my list
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up -- we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of Emergency, notify..." I answered "a doctor."
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
13. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
Number 16 is a universal salute to Nancy Pelosi.
I can definitely relate to number 17.
I’m the best shot there ever was, because I practice #14.
Thank you,’sodpoodle’, for so generous share from your collection. Great post!
BTW, does the following qualify(?):
“Beware of false knowledge - it is more dangerous than ignorance.” - George Bernard Shaw
These lines are just fantastic!
It's a small world ... but if you had to paint it.
What's another word for thesaurus?
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
You can't have everything, where would you put it?
Democracy is the worst form of government, except for all the others.
Do into others. Then run like hell.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Bookmark
On the other hand...there’s a fist.
I’m Schizophrenic and so am I.
(From a song by Styx. I just can’t remember which one)
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