Posted on 08/30/2018 10:55:42 AM PDT by Morgana
That status needs to belong to the parents.
I recently asked a married couple who have three kids, none of whom are yet teens, "Who are the most important people in your family?"
Like all good moms and dads of this brave new millennium, they answered, "Our kids!"
"Why?" I then asked. "What is it about your kids that gives them that status?"
And like all good moms and dads of this brave new millennium, they couldn't answer the question other than to fumble with appeals to emotion.
So, I answered the question for them: "There is no reasonable thing that gives your children that status."
I went on to point out that many if not most of the problems they're having with their kids - typical stuff, these days - are the result of treating their children as if they, their marriage and their family exist because of the kids when it is, in fact, the other way around. Their kids exist because of them and their marriage and thrive because they have created a stable family.
Furthermore, without them, their kids wouldn't eat well, have the nice clothing they wear, live in the nice home in which they live, enjoy the great vacations they enjoy and so on. Instead of lives that are relatively carefree (despite the drama to the contrary that they occasionally manufacture), their children would be living lives full of worry and want.
This issue is really the heart of the matter. People my age know it's the heart of the matter because when we were kids it was clear to us that our parents were the most important people in our families. And that, right there, is why we respected our parents and that, right there, is why we looked up to adults in general. Yes, Virginia, once upon a time in the United States of America, children were second-class citizens, to their advantage.
It was also clear to us - I speak, of course, in general terms, albeit accurate - that our parents' marriages were more important to them than their relationships with us. Therefore, we did not sleep in their beds or interrupt their conversations. The family meal, at home, was regarded as more important than after-school activities. Mom and Dad talked more - a lot more - with one another than they talked with you. For lack of pedestals, we emancipated earlier and much more successfully than have children since.
The most important person in an army is the general. The most important person in a corporation is the CEO. The most important person in a classroom is the teacher. And the most important person in a family are the parents.
The most important thing about children is the need to prepare them properly for responsible citizenship. The primary objective should not be raising a straight-A student who excels at three sports, earns a spot on the Olympic swim team, goes to an A-list university and becomes a prominent brain surgeon. The primary objective is to raise a child such that community and culture are strengthened.
"Our child is the most important person in our family" is the first step toward raising a child who feels entitled.
You don't want that. Unbeknownst to your child, he doesn't need that. And neither does America.
I see ... your question contains the hidden assumption that the probability of success in each case (spouse or child) is the same.
What?? I don’t know anything about the science of probability, but I did assume that most people would spare the child. Apparently, I was wrong, at least about some people.
Clearly. You haven't thought through the implications of your own question.
but I did assume that most people would spare the child.
Is that really a correct choice? Consider a situation where the probability of saving the child is 0.01 (1 percent) and that the probability of saving the spouse is 0.99 ... Now ... who do you save?
Snap decision ... you don't have any time to dither!
There are people who are highly accomplished yet they do not advance the community and culture because they are down right evil.
Raise a kid who has a good heart, the rest will follow.
And part of that begins with teaching kids they are not the center of the universe.
Its one thing to put their needs first but their wants is another thing.
oh yes, they heard NO plenty of times. had their Dad whipped though. :)
Such a case that you pose, completely changes the entire conversation, And since my question was not a trap, and assumed all things being equal, it’s also an entirely different question, and is comparing apples to oranges. Is there some reason you don’t want to answer it, other than you think it’s a trap? (Naturally, you don’t have to answer it, but it seems odd that you don’t, seeing how very interested you are in it.) Personally, I think you just want to argue, or try to make me out to be the bad guy for having asked it.
Of course it does, and THAT'S MY POINT. Your question contained hidden assumptions, and was designed to elicit a particular response. I have just exploded it.
try to make me out to be the bad guy for having asked it.
You knowingly posed a loaded question. Why would you do such a thing? I'm accustomed to seeing such things from leftists, particularly when they're "interviewing" conservatives or running a "focus group". Their purpose is always to entrap and destroy the conservative point of view. Your purpose has yet to be revealed.
Sorry, but this conversation is done, because you’re a paranoid nut.
When you can't argue the issues, attack the person.
“if we were in sunday school class, I’d shoot a spitball at you. There’s always one in the crowd dramatically demonstrating their piety. I think the question might actually be intended to tease out which -human beings- in the family might be most important. That’s mom and dad and their marriage.”
Mea culpa!
lotta truth in that
Too many parents make the mistake of treating their children as pets.
As the parent of two successful children (adults now)I always kept in mind that they will one day need to be responsible adults.
Yes children need to play and explore but they also need to learn boundaries and possibilities.
It also helps not to condemn them to a public school education.
Watching families in public, it’s easy to tell who is in charge. Sadly, it’s the child in too many cases.
My husband is such a man and I am proud to be his wife.
I once read an article about a study that concluded, and I agree, that children acquire the greatest sense of security from knowing that their parents truly love each other. It is even more important to children than knowing that they are loved.
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