Posted on 08/30/2018 10:55:42 AM PDT by Morgana
That status needs to belong to the parents.
I recently asked a married couple who have three kids, none of whom are yet teens, "Who are the most important people in your family?"
Like all good moms and dads of this brave new millennium, they answered, "Our kids!"
"Why?" I then asked. "What is it about your kids that gives them that status?"
And like all good moms and dads of this brave new millennium, they couldn't answer the question other than to fumble with appeals to emotion.
So, I answered the question for them: "There is no reasonable thing that gives your children that status."
I went on to point out that many if not most of the problems they're having with their kids - typical stuff, these days - are the result of treating their children as if they, their marriage and their family exist because of the kids when it is, in fact, the other way around. Their kids exist because of them and their marriage and thrive because they have created a stable family.
Furthermore, without them, their kids wouldn't eat well, have the nice clothing they wear, live in the nice home in which they live, enjoy the great vacations they enjoy and so on. Instead of lives that are relatively carefree (despite the drama to the contrary that they occasionally manufacture), their children would be living lives full of worry and want.
This issue is really the heart of the matter. People my age know it's the heart of the matter because when we were kids it was clear to us that our parents were the most important people in our families. And that, right there, is why we respected our parents and that, right there, is why we looked up to adults in general. Yes, Virginia, once upon a time in the United States of America, children were second-class citizens, to their advantage.
It was also clear to us - I speak, of course, in general terms, albeit accurate - that our parents' marriages were more important to them than their relationships with us. Therefore, we did not sleep in their beds or interrupt their conversations. The family meal, at home, was regarded as more important than after-school activities. Mom and Dad talked more - a lot more - with one another than they talked with you. For lack of pedestals, we emancipated earlier and much more successfully than have children since.
The most important person in an army is the general. The most important person in a corporation is the CEO. The most important person in a classroom is the teacher. And the most important person in a family are the parents.
The most important thing about children is the need to prepare them properly for responsible citizenship. The primary objective should not be raising a straight-A student who excels at three sports, earns a spot on the Olympic swim team, goes to an A-list university and becomes a prominent brain surgeon. The primary objective is to raise a child such that community and culture are strengthened.
"Our child is the most important person in our family" is the first step toward raising a child who feels entitled.
You don't want that. Unbeknownst to your child, he doesn't need that. And neither does America.
We do what is in the best interests of our children. In that sense they come first.
That does not mean spoiling them or giving them undue influence.
Please answer the question you posed.
Nope. It’s the airline pilot theory. The flight frew in the cockpit gets there safely, the passengers in back will be just fine.
You don’t elevate kids to coequal status. The marriage itself ALWAYS comes before kids.
Many modern moms do not believe this. The kids are number one, her mom and husband must compete for the 2 and 3 spots.
Then one day, someone else puts him first and the predictable result unfolds.
No one should be number one. Except God.
“Could the most important person in the family be.... GOD?”
if we were in sunday school class, I’d shoot a spitball at you. There’s always one in the crowd dramatically demonstrating their piety. I think the question might actually be intended to tease out which -human beings- in the family might be most important. That’s mom and dad and their marriage.
when my kids were little girls- they came 1st. If there was only a little food, my hubby and i did without. We put their needs before our own. Everything i did or did not do (especially with money) all depended on what they needed.
They turned out more than ok. so I think i did what was right for us.
Self, job, Marriage,....... children, in that order.
The way it has been explained is: Self first, because if you are unhealthy everyone suffers, job second because everyone down the line is dependent on you, marriage has to be third because the first two are just more important. Kids.... distant forth just because.
Admittedly this is an old school idea.
I'm not going to psychoanalyze you, or attempt to discern your motive in asking that question the way you asked it. I will tell you this, though: it's not a question, it's a trap. The way you have posed it, it cannot be answered as it does not contain sufficient information to provide an answer. In any real (as opposed to contrived) situation the "saving" person will have very short time to assess the facts, make a split-second decision, and act upon it ... knowing that no matter what he does, there will be an undesirable outcome.
“There are far more options available for jobs than marriage partners.”
Well, there are 3.5 billion women in the world.... soooo.. i don’t know if you can support that. Even if you narrow the pool down be weeding out the chubby, the mean, the feminists, and too old and too young.
There still have to be a solid 2 billion.
There are no where near that many jobs.
“if your wife or husband, and your kid were about to be killed, and you could save one, which one would you save?”
Every male know the answer to that...regarding him.
I’d save the child, and my husband would understand. I asked my husband, and he said he would save the child. And I’m pretty certain when I say that any husband who would save his wife, instead of their child, would irreparably damage their marriage. Any parent who would not give up his or her life for their child, when necessary, is a poor specimen of a parent. The only exception would be if the parent knew with a certainty, that the child would ultimately be killed, anyway, such as if captured by isis, which, thank the Lord, we haven’t, in this country, had to face. I think of the Christian mother in the middle east, who, when her son would not renounce Jesus, and was shot, and she praised God that he died quickly, and was not burned alive in a bread oven.
It’s a straightforward question, not meant to trap anyone. I am aware there are a couple of men here who have had bad experiences with women/wives. And some seem to hate women. I would be interested in hearing what women have to say, though.
Excellent answer.
I once saw a family vlogger say that he would save his wife instead of their daughters and sons.
I don’t believe that his wife would have given the same answer and I viewed his answer as indicative of low character.
Please state what you feel the answer by the wife and the answer by the husband should be.
OK ... I accept your word that you don't intend to trap anyone. That leaves us with an insufficiently defined question ... any answer will necessarily contain a huge heap of assumption provided by the answerer, not by you the questioner.
Good work.
My Mom always espoused the same attitude and I agree with it also.
thanks!! I tried. :)
No one HAS to answer it, and anyone who does is welcome to explain his or her answer, if they like.
My question was, in itself, an answer. I rather thought it was self-evident that any parent would spare their child’s life, if they had to choose. Maybe I was wrong.
I once saw a family vlogger say that he would save his wife instead of their daughters and sons.
I don’t believe that his wife would have given the same answer and I viewed his answer as indicative of low character.
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