Smiles across the Miles

John, who lived in the north of England, decided to go golfing in Scotland with his buddy Shawn , so they loaded up John's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible downpour so they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Don't worry," John said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn and if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."

The lady agreed and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared so they got on their way and enjoyed a great weekend of golf.

But about nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out.. but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the golf weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Shawn and asked, "Shawn, do you remember that good-looking widow on the farm we stayed at on our golf holiday in Scotland about 9 months ago?”

"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"

"Well, um, yes." Shawn said, a little embarrassed about being found out, "I have to admit that I did."

"And did you happen to give her my name and address instead of telling her your name?"

Shawn's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?"

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Les's wife, Sue, wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Les's wife followed and asked, 'Did you see anything that you like under there?' Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well indeed he did. She said, 'Well, you can have it but it will cost you $200.' After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, Jim confirms that he is interested.

Sue told him that since her husband Les played golf Friday afternoons and Jim didn't, Jim should be at her house around 2pm next Friday afternoon.

When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Les's house at 2pm sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $200, they went to the bedroom, and closed their transaction, as agreed.

Jim quickly dressed and left.

As usual, Les came home from golf at 6pm and upon arriving, asked his wife, 'Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?'

With a lump in her throat Sue answered 'Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon.' Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband further enquired, 'and did he give you $200?'

Sue, using her best poker face, replied, 'Well, yes, in fact he did give me $200.

Les, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, 'He came by the golf club this morning and borrowed $200 from me. He promised he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back.' Now THAT, my friends, is a poker play!

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