Posted on 07/10/2018 12:17:25 PM PDT by Simon Green
A few months before my 42nd birthday, I was out to dinner with friends and found myself seated next to a well-known older male writer.
I happened to be in the final stages of finishing a proposal for a memoir about being a single woman over 40 without children, and was inwardly marveling at the timing of our encounter. I was a fan of his. Perhaps he might offer some wisdom? Words of encouragement?
As drinks were delivered I sketched the outline of the story: No one had prepared me for how exhilarating life could be on my own. I was traveling all the time, doing what I wanted, when I wanted, released from the fear of the clock that had dogged me through my 30s. Conversely, no one had warned me of the ways in which it would actually be difficult; my mother had been very ill, for instance, and part of the book was about caring for her.
No sooner had I finished than the famous writer placed his glass firmly on the white tablecloth, leaned back and declared: “Glynnis MacNicol, you have a terrible life!”
Not exactly the feedback I was hoping for.
He continued: “You’re all alone in the world, and have no one to help you.” He turned to my friends, dramatically interrupting their conversation. “Do you know how terrible this woman’s life is? She’s all by herself!”
My friends managed to snort back their drinks, barely. “But I’m fine,” I protested lightheartedly, hoping to return the discussion to writing. “I’m quite enjoying myself.”
He took a disbelieving sip of his drink. “I want to help you,” he said. He then instructed our server to wrap up his untouched steak and insisted I take it home.
(Excerpt) Read more at nytimes.com ...
I don't agree with you on this. I think that as I get older, I am better able to cope with life on my own. When I was younger, my wife and I did everything together (both before and after the kids were born). Now that the kids are semi-adults, my wife and I have developed our own interests apart from each other. We still check in and do things together and sleep in the same bed, etc.; but we have our own lives separate from each other.
It is the lifetime of memories of partnering up and making a life together when we were younger that is so precious.
My wife is in Cancun with my son right now. That's fine with me. She wanted to go there and I didn't.
To everything there is a season... This lady missed her chance for a family and it's now too late. It's a sad story.
She seems to indulge in a lot of naval gazing. An article in the NYT AND a upcoming book declaring how happy she is. More power to ya, toots.
Sounds a bit self important.
Why does she care if anyone believes her?
I guess if she didn’t care the NYT wouldn’t be printing her Article.
Watch the movie “Family Man” with Nicholas Cage.
You may be self satisfied at 40 but when you get to be in your 60’s and realize how alone you are you will come to understand.
Oh, it’s a He. Me bad.
Today I took my child rock climbing.
The rocks were fake but the climbing was real.
Same here. The dinner table conversation is not at all believable.
I step in to help with my nieces, nephews, and great-nieces and nephews whenever their parents need it.
If I’m not going to have kids, it is the least I can do.
You don’t NEED to do anything.
But for an example, nobody knew my father like my mother and I did. Nobody learned as many things from him as I did. He’s gone now, but he lives on as I teach the things I learned from him to my sons. Even the things about him that I didn’t agree with help to form what I teach them. And they, in turn, will teach it to their children. My father will live on, as will I, long after I am gone. A legacy is important, because it makes the most out of our short time here.
I apologize if I offended you. It wasn’t my intention to denigrate anyone’s choices that have already been made. I don’t, however, feel that it is completely honest to sell to younger people how ‘happy’ a childless lifestyle is.
I do have a number of friends who are older with no children. I love them dearly, but I cannot help but notice the gaping hole in their otherwise ‘happy’ lives. Some will admit it and some won’t, but it’s still there.
For another example, I recently just got finished handling the estate of a dear friend of my mother’s who died having no children. I spent the better part of a year trying to find someone to take (even for free) the objects of her passion and life’s work and nobody would. Nobody cared. I live 800 miles away from there now and couldn’t take it all here, so much of her life’s work ended up getting thrown out with the trash. I think leaving a legacy is a better option.
Oops, it’s a Woman, me double bad.
Darn you FR for expecting me to actually read the Article.
Not unlike an Amway associate declaring, "I'm so excited about this!"
We're not convinced.
While child-rearing is a personal choice, the child-free movement is far too closely bound to the ZPG movement. That’s Zero Population Growth. These folks are demonic zealots who hate humanity in all forms. Being the father of a very large family, I have been viciously attacked by some of these types. The best thing I can say is they’re honest in their goals: most would be happy to exterminate all humans.
” I spent the better part of a year trying to find someone to take (even for free) the objects of her passion and life’s work and nobody would.”
That is a common problem even if one has kids.
.
Some people that DO have children would have been much better to the gene pool if they had not reproduced.
The Darwin awards go to such people
As long as one doesn’t conceive then murder them in the womb as an “inconvenience”, good. There are people who have children who shouldn’t. They may mistreat and neglect them, or wear them like fashion accessories only to be put away with a nanny or at school when the fans and cameras are away. But somehow, perhaps because this is a Liberal (Libertine?) writer publishing her article claiming to be happy childless in the New York Times, I suspect there have been one or more “inconveniences” disposed of in her past. Could be wrong and hope I am. It’s just my jaded suspicion.
Ideally, you can be there to help with the grandchildren, and get have your kids take care of you in your later years in return, a win-win all around.
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