Posted on 03/10/2018 7:18:24 PM PST by SeekAndFind
Over the last few decades, we’ve seen a revolutionary change in the way marriage works in America.
In your great-grandparents’ heyday, relationships were more about raising a family and making a living than love. That doesn’t mean there wasn’t any love involved; it just means the motivations were often a little different than they are today. Women wanted to get out from under the same roof as their parents and have kids. When a woman found a decent man who treated her well and seemed like he could provide for her and her children, that was often enough of a foundation to build a marriage. After all, the country was much poorer then, so her parents couldn’t necessarily support her and she didn’t have a lot of job options. A husband was the best financial option most women had back then.
Today, most women can take care of themselves and those who can’t have the federal government helping them, so they don’t NEED a man to take care of them financially. Combine this with the fact that financial opportunities for uneducated and unskilled men are dramatically reduced from the pre-shipping container/pre-computer age and marriage has been forever changed. That male dockworker can no longer support a family by himself and even if the wealthier, more educated female executive were to marry him (and she probably wouldn’t because he has less status than she does), the marriage would be far less stable because financial need wouldn’t hold them together.
This has a lot to do with why divorce happened much less frequently in the past. Not only was it a little scandalous to get divorced, a woman had a lot more worries about how to pay her bills if she decided to go her own way. That combination of financial need and social stigma held people together. Consider that “the 1967 crude (divorce) rate was 8.7 times as large as that for 1867” and it becomes obvious that marriage was a much more certain bet for previous generations of Americans.
As the need for financial security has fallen away, “love” has become the primary motivator of people who want to marry. The problem with that is that love can be one fickle b*tch.
For most people, that hot, passionate love driven by hormones that makes you crazy for someone else typically doesn’t last forever. Additionally, as people say, “familiarity breeds contempt.” When a woman is on year three of sex with the same person, she just picked his stained underwear off the floor again and what she thought were cute little idiosyncrasies early on have started to get on her nerves, “love” has turned out to be a much less effective cement than financial necessity. That’s very important because almost 70 percent of the time the woman is the one who files for divorce.
Given that we have a justice system that rewards women and punishes men at every opportunity during and after a divorce, it’s no surprise that women are more likely to be the ones ending the marriage. Courts heavily side with women over men when it comes to custody of the children. Chances are if you’re a man in a battle for custody, you’re going to lose and then you’re going to be forced to pay through the nose for the privilege of not getting to spend as much time with your kids as you like. Speaking of which, financially, the courts still act as if we’re in the thirties. Certainly, there could be a situation where a significant alimony payment would be the only fair solution, but that should be a fairly rare occurrence in this day and age.
Imagine a secretary who makes $30,000 a year who marries a CEO making 10 million dollars a year. Five years later, they get divorced. How much does she deserve? Most women would say “half.” At least “half” of what he made while they were together. The honest answer a lot of men would give you would be “nothing.” You know how much she contributed to the man’s success in his career? Nothing of significance. How much is she worth in the working world after the marriage? About the same as she was before, plus she’s had the advantage of having her much richer husband buy her things for years that she’ll take with her. Do you know what he should owe her in that situation after five years of marriage that didn’t work out in the end? Nothing, just like she owes him. Yet and still, in many states, her husband would be expected to keep her living in the “style to which she has become accustomed.” This is exactly the reason that any MAN WHO ALREADY HAS MONEY is crazy if he doesn’t insist on a prenuptial contract before a wedding. Is that romantic? No, but neither is giving a woman who hates your guts half your money. Does it imply you’re not 100 percent sure the marriage will last? Yes, it does, but in a world where divorce is so common, no one can really be sure a marriage will last anymore. You can claim otherwise if you like, but you’re just whistling past the graveyard. I’ve known women who divorced a husband because he lost his job and had trouble finding another one; because she wanted to relive her party years at 35 years old with two kids; because she decided her husband wasn’t manly enough; it goes on and on and on. What I am telling you is that there are no guarantees and your sweet, reasonable honey who loves you to death may decide she wants out of the marriage and turn into a monster once she has a lawyer whispering in her ear during the divorce. Guess what? Usually, the guy never sees it coming.
This can lead to a situation where you’re paying for the lifestyle of a woman who doesn’t want to be with you anymore and is using your kids as a weapon against you while you struggle financially. I know more than one man who has been in this situation. Almost every man does these days. Some people would tell you that’s just the price of marriage. “Hey, if she’s not worth that, then don’t get married.” But how often does the opposite situation happen? How often is a woman stuck paying the bills for her ex-husband while he has the kids after he decided he “just wasn’t in love” anymore? I’ve never heard of a situation like that, although I’m sure it has probably happened. This is an enormous risk that marriage entails for men, but generally not for women.
You also can’t underestimate the impact of having reliable female birth control and women pursuing their careers. Between college and many women trying to climb the career ladder, marriages are occurring later than ever. There was a time in American history when 80% of people were married by 21. That is no longer true.
Barely half of all adults in the United States—a record low—are currently married, and the median age at first marriage has never been higher for brides (26.5 years) and grooms (28.7), according to a new Pew Research Center analysis of U.S. Census data. In 1960, 72% of all adults ages 18 and older were married; today just 51% are. If current trends continue, the share of adults who are currently married will drop to below half within a few years.
The longer you wait to get married, the less of a chance there is that the marriage will produce children. Take the potential of having children out of the equation and marriage is even less appealing to many men. Keep in mind that single women can now easily avoid pregnancy and have become much more promiscuous than they used to be. Does that mean every single guy is getting laid left and right? Not at all, but it does mean that sex is much more available to the average single man than it was 100 years ago. In other words, even if a man never gets married, he doesn’t have to forego sex. In fact, he has the opportunity to have sex with multiple women, an attractive proposition to most men that would be denied to him if he were married. On top of that, he doesn’t have to take on any burdens. He’s not financially responsible for his girlfriend. He doesn’t have to take care of the kid she had with another guy five years ago. There’s no potential for a brutal divorce if things don’t work out. Typically, women are the ones who grew up dreaming of the perfect wedding and the commitment that followed. Most men just grew up dreaming of having sex with beautiful women.
At one time, those two fantasies had to merge. When our society was less promiscuous, the man needed to get married to have regular access to sex. He got what he wanted and she got what she wanted. Is that still true today? The numbers say “No.”
Back in the early 1990s, the average American had sex about 60 to 62 times per year, but that number dropped to less than 53 times per year by 2014. Among married couples specifically, the drop was even more dramatic - from about 73 times per year in 1990 to 55 in 2014. This actually brings the sex lives of married couples below people who've never been married, who have sex about 59 times per year as of 2014. So if you’re a man, getting married may very well mean LESS SEX and with the same woman instead of potentially sleeping with multiple women. It also means risking a soul-ripping divorce where the court system will be stacked against you. Oh, and don’t even mention the old, “Getting married? Wow, I’ll be treated like a king!” fantasy that men had once. Today, you’re more likely to be treated to demands that you do half the weekly housework.
When you look at that sort of thing, it’s easy to understand why some men are simply opposed to marriage. I am not one of those men, but I will tell you the scales have tipped too far against men in marriage. By that, I mean that unless something changes that shifts the institution of marriage back onto more favorable ground for men, marriage will have great difficulty recovering in America. Since marriage is one of the most important building blocks of a successful society, that’s something none of us should want.
NO it is NOT a Snowflake response, when a JACKARSE CANNOT STOP SENDING YOU FEMALE BASHING! God does not intend for me to be degraded, when I have tried to understand both points of view on this thread. Then I read the outlandish BS ‘papertyger’ said to other women, it’s disgusting! What’s matter, you feel obligated to fight his battles, or you are just as demonic?
The men on this thread have NO RESPECT for women, and they wonder WHY women would leave them, take their money for support...which is for the children NOT HER! If she ever gets any child support at all! Not to mention a large percentage do not engage with the children at all, because their poor little feelings are hurt that they have to pay out some money....that’s a clue to what a lousy husband they were in the first place! I know too many women, who have been married to those jerks, and struggled to raise their children!
There is another side to this coin, MISTER, it is the fact that 62% of custodial women DO NOT GET CHILD SUPPORT, and 10% have to try and find the loser, file again and again for the DEADBEAT DAD to even be compelled to pay! About 30% of the women do NOT want his support, because of all hassle that comes with it! That leaves the in out of court group fighting over it.
Seriously, you guys are out of touch with reality, and pitiful! See link below for the statistics on that, since you want facts.
http://www.deltabravo.net/cms/plugins/content/content.php?content.282
What is done in court is never what is happening in real life. The ex (on either side) is too busy trying to hurt the other spouse, that the sad children are pawns in their stupid game! Reading the comments on this thread has shown me WHY those poor children are miserable. Each parent trashing the other, what a sad life for the kids! IT IS THE CHILDREN WHO GET HURT THE MOST IN DIVORCE.
What man puts his children through such a tumultuous childhood, whining about ‘son, don’t get married, it isn’t worth it!” God said ‘sex without marriage is sin, so you send you son to hell, because you are angry with your ex!. CHILDISH AND EVIL!
You want to join in saying I am same as a liberal woman, and calling me a snowflake, fine! Well, ‘in Jesus name’ I turn all of you over to Almighty God, and may he have mercy on your demonic souls!
Hebrews 10:31 31 “It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.”
WHO DO YOU THINK WANTED ME TO IGNORE HIM, AND NOW YOU WANT TO BE THE BULLY TOO!
Goodbye!
Those Poor babies! lol
I posted a link to the usconservative , who called me a Snowflake...which shows 62% of females with custody do NOT get child support. 30% don’t want it, too much hassle, and 10% are ones with deadbeat dads. that leaves 22% who actually get what court ordered, sad!
Amen! Per my tagline, this immediately follows:
OLDER MEN are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness. OLDER WOMEN likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the YOUNG WOMEN to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. Likewise, urge the YOUNGER MEN to be self-controlled. Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us. BONDSERVANTS are to be submissive to their own masters in everything; they are to be well-pleasing, not argumentative, not pilfering, but showing all good faith, so that in everything they may adorn the doctrine of God our Savior.—Titus 2
Man, I teared up reading that. That’s why I love God’s Word, it lifts us up to uprightness. How can anyone find fault with such instruction? Yeah, I can look at myself and say “Uh, no, that’s not me” and shrink. Why? God’s grace lifts us up day after day. “Baptizing” our minds in His Word renews them over time. This is what we all NEED.
No need.
You’re doing fine on your own ;-)
Doesn’t it get uncomfortable pulling such gems out of your poop chute all the time?
Not the case with all of the divorced dads I know. Then again, the divorced dads I know are all middle class and able to pay child support. How much of that figure is for women who don't get child support because the guy either does not have the income, or is more able to disappear than the average middle class guy is?
The actual figures from Census bureau report: Custodial Mothers and Fathers and Their Child Support: 2013 (Issued in 2016) :
About three-quarters (74.1 percent) of custodial parents who were due child support in 2013 received either full or partial payments and 45.6 percent received full payments
Custodial mothers were more likely to have never married (40.2 percent) than to have been divorced (30.8 percent), currently married (16.1 percent), separated (11.7 percent), or widowed (1.2 percent)
As is common with women, you only look until you find what you want.
It took me less than five minutes to dig out this little gem: ““About 70 percent of the debt is owed by men who earn $10,000 a year or less, or have no recorded wage earnings at all, according to the Federal Office of Child Support Enforcement.”
So you see, there’s a big difference between “not getting child support” and not being “granted” child support.
Wow, a bit over-sensitive aren't you? I'm a bully for pointing out your response as being typical of a snowflake?
You're really trying hard to be an example of the kind of woman a real man doesn't want to marry, aren't you?
Thank you for your thoughtful input.
Most of these guys are still the butthurt breakfast club because the cheerleaders wouldn’t date them in high school. Teacher the pretty girls don’t like me. Waaaa! :-)
But, but, but...she quotes Scripture!
She’s actually a shining example of why I maintain politics is the only difference between liberal and conservative women.
Refuse their demands, and you’ll learn where the word “histrionic” came from.
Not as uncomfortable as you spreading beta male pathetica like confetti on all the anti women threads. LOL!
Why do you continue to uses the same old cliches when it’s obvious they have zero impact? None of the men here even bother to argue with you about it, because every one of us knows you’re just spouting from your well of spite.
Well I’ll answer the question for you: you don’t have anything else.
Cool!
You’re really trying hard to be an example of the kind of woman a real man doesn’t want to marry, aren’t you?
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Real Man? LOL
I just hear a bunch of whining cry babies that keep complaining about how they keep getting run over by women, and are really bitter about it.
I don’t think you need to worry about getting trapped into marriage again. There is nothing more pathetic to conservative women than whining, wimpy, bitter men.
You guys would probably be a big hit with liberal woman, they love wimps.
We conservative gals do prefer real men.
Man up boys!
Those poor babies, bless their whining little hearts. lol
They are digging up reports from Census Bureau etc, to argue what I posted, however at the end of Census report....
There is post on what was awarded and received TABLE 1. Their report shows a 9% increase in Child Support increase in 9 years, from report I found, so they are bashing the choice of reports...it makes me wonder what HELL their wives went through living with them?
I now am ignoring the bashers, it is not worth discussing, their hearts and minds are closed! You are right, almost a CLUB. Crybabies you say? hmmm lol
Child Support Awarded and Received Table 1 summarizes several child support indicators from biennial survey data for selected years from 1993 through 2013. The table shows that the likelihood of having a child support award, being legally entitled to a child support payment, and actually receiving at least one child support payment decreased over the 21-year period from 1993 through 2013. In contrast, the percentage of custodial parents (owed child support) who received the full amount of the child support that they were owed increased by almost 24%, from 37% in 1993 to 46% in 2013.
Then you should try listening instead of talking.
I’ve been married for thirty years to the same childhood sweetheart.
Like the women we talk about, you only hear what you WANT to hear, and the one thing such women definitely DON’T want to hear is that they’re not worth what they ask of us.
ROFLMTO... and I was trying to be factual with statistics.
You are right, it should be MAN UP, it’s what real men do! Pay your support, take good care of the children when you have visitation, and stop whining! Crybabies wear the diapers, and real men have the women!
Oh, and I should have said ‘ I have been married to a real man for decades, which makes me wonder where they get their phony information!’
My husband is kind, generous, respectful, and all those positive things. One thing I know is “watch how a man treats him mother, and you will know how he will treat you”. My husband treated his mother like a queen...and I am blessed to be with him now. He has been ill past few years, and acted like a real man through all of it.
Wonder if any of these whiners know ‘what a real man is’?
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