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We need to talk about sexual assault in marriage
vox.com ^ | Mar 8, 2018 | Anonymous

Posted on 03/09/2018 4:08:27 PM PST by Pollster1

Eight years into our marriage, sitting in a therapist’s office with my husband, I mustered all my courage and said my deepest, darkest truth: “When we have sex, I feel like I’m being violated.” The unwanted sex at times made me sick: Once I had to run straight from bed to the bathroom, where I retched into the toilet. I spared him and the therapist that detail.

My husband shrugged and, staring ahead with more indifference than disdain, replied, “She’s always so melodramatic.”

. . .

I acquiesced. At the time, it didn’t feel like a choice; it felt inevitable. I lived every evening dreading the signals of my husband’s desire. I bargained my way out of sex as often as I could. I gloried in being sick enough to have the right to refuse.

On the nights when I couldn’t get out of it, we used a method that I had taught myself to tolerate and that he, astoundingly, tolerated as well: I read a book to distract myself for as long as I could while he did the thing he needed to do. I did not let him kiss me for the last several years of our marriage. That was the rule . . . and I don’t have to pretend to like it. This satisfied him.

. . .

I am a humanities professor who teaches feminist theory, models feminist behavior for my students and my own children, and has achieved success in a male-dominated field. Last year, my teenage son and I chanted in support of women’s reproductive rights at the Women’s March in Washington . . .

(Excerpt) Read more at vox.com ...


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Society
KEYWORDS: marriage; metoo
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To: Secret Agent Man

Know why gay people are called gay?
Because they are happy.
Why are they happy?
They bang the gender they understand.


61 posted on 03/09/2018 6:25:32 PM PST by When do we get liberated? (A socialist is a communist who realizes he must suckle the breast of Capitalism.)
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To: Bonemaker
The guy F’d up in picking this whack job.

THERE YOU GO!!!! Bonemaker gets to the heart of the problem!

62 posted on 03/09/2018 6:28:53 PM PST by Hardastarboard (Three most annoying words on the internet - "Watch the Video")
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To: When do we get liberated?

Happy and horny are not synonyms.


63 posted on 03/09/2018 6:57:29 PM PST by Secret Agent Man ( Gone Galt; Not averse to Going Bronson.)
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To: Bulwyf

I had a mouth full of a liquid that is now covering my monitor. that was funny....


64 posted on 03/09/2018 6:59:51 PM PST by cazmandeuce
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To: vooch
A significant percentage of American women are man haters.

I don't think that's true. A small minority is more like it. Most women in my life are wonderful and the rest are mostly okay. I can't even say that I know a single "man hater."

65 posted on 03/09/2018 7:03:21 PM PST by SamAdams76
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To: SamAdams76

man hating might be a regional pathology - I live in NYC


66 posted on 03/09/2018 8:03:09 PM PST by vooch (America First Drain the Swamp)
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To: Pollster1

We need to talk about sexual assault in marriage

No we don't. I don't need to swim in the gutter with socialist activists. Go pound sand.

67 posted on 03/09/2018 8:51:55 PM PST by higgmeister ( In the Shadow of The Big Chicken)
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To: Pollster1

Why would post here advocating divorce for any reason? Just get lost.


68 posted on 03/09/2018 8:54:01 PM PST by higgmeister ( In the Shadow of The Big Chicken)
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To: Snickering Hound

I love that one!

[I love women, but radical feminists disgust me.]


69 posted on 03/09/2018 8:55:28 PM PST by Pollster1 ("Governments derive their just powers from the consent of the governed")
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To: cazmandeuce

I do apologize.

I’d offer you a new one, but at the current exchange rates, I think that would cost me 17,582.86 dollars for a decent one.

I know, it’s a terrible Trudeau joke.


70 posted on 03/09/2018 9:00:47 PM PST by Bulwyf
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To: Pollster1

If your wife doesn’t want you
You’re a LOSER. PERIOD
try giving her a ONE HOUR MASSAGE TO START
then get back to me. Kids


71 posted on 03/09/2018 9:42:15 PM PST by Truthoverpower (The guvmint you get is the Trump winning express !)
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To: Truthoverpower
If your wife doesn’t want you You’re a LOSER. PERIOD try giving her a ONE HOUR MASSAGE TO START

It would be nice if mutual consideration would fix this sort of marital problem, but my reading of her article does not suggest that you're right. It's hard to tell what he's really like because she's such a biased narrator, but I get the impression that it would not matter what he did. Most women I know are not like that, but I have known several women who come across like this feminist theory professor and are impossible to please.

72 posted on 03/09/2018 9:49:55 PM PST by Pollster1 ("Governments derive their just powers from the consent of the governed")
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To: JoSixChip
With her enthusiasm, who could stay away😁
73 posted on 03/09/2018 9:56:04 PM PST by Keyhopper (Indians had bad immigration laws)
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To: Pollster1

I didn’t read the article; I don’t want to. But when a wife is unwilling to have sex with her husband but loves him and wishes to stay married to him, she (and he) often doesn’t know there is an underlying hormonal problem.

Having experimented with doses of all female hormones etc, due to a pituitary tumor and infertility, I know sex drive is nearly 100% hormonal. Why ignore this problem? Hormones are easy to supplement. And a woman doesn’t need testosterone at all to get a great boost by adding the others (though every woman should have a tiny bit of testosterone as well for well being). It is a LIE that bioidentical hormones cause cancer. They actually help prevent it.

The hormones MUST NOT COME BY MOUTH. No pills. That would be a cancer risk. There are many other ways for her to supplement hormones and bypass the digestive system and the direct to liver problem. On the skin, injectibles, vaginally, etc. it could be magic and help any woman enjoy not just sex but also life more.

Here is what I recently found, though, from a couple women I know, married over 15 years each. When I tell them of my experiences with hormones and the absences thereof, they seem interested in my stories, yet even when told this could make them stop rejecting their husbands, THEY REFUSE. I find this cruel. They are interested in thinking about hormones as the basis For sexual attraction and interest and response. But they have some dumb excuse not to try it, like blaming the husband for not being the perfect helper or understander or something. The lack of caring for their spouse is startling and I find it cruel.

They learn hormones could bring them back together sexually BUT THEY WONT TRY IT. It’s a horrible thing to turn against a spouse sexually, unless he has done something unforgivable and in that case, leave him. But this sexual abandonment is just cruel.


74 posted on 03/09/2018 10:13:40 PM PST by Yaelle
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To: Pollster1

Well, I guess you could say that when she was reading her book during those "marital encounters", at least she wasn't busy tweeting her lesbian girlfriend. (/s)


       

75 posted on 03/09/2018 10:16:18 PM PST by Songcraft ("Pray without ceasing." 1 Thessalonians 5:17)
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To: Pray All Day

A woman was telling her circle of female friends about her experience spicing up her marriage using the methods of Fascinating Womanhood.

“Well, how did it work out?” one of them asked.
“I started moaning and groaning during sex like it said to do.”
“Yes? And then?”
“My husband told me to shut up; he couldn’t hear the television.”


76 posted on 03/09/2018 10:24:40 PM PST by sparklite2 (See more at Sparklite Times)
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To: sparklite2

:-)

77 posted on 03/09/2018 10:29:37 PM PST by Songcraft ("Pray without ceasing." 1 Thessalonians 5:17)
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To: Yaelle
They learn hormones could bring them back together sexually BUT THEY WONT TRY IT . . . this sexual abandonment is just cruel.

In many cases, and certainly with this article, I agree with you, although I think it's unlikely that she ever loved her husband in any meaningful sense. It's possible that they both started out as terrible people who deserved each other, but it's certain that she was never a gem. Some weak people like seeing themselves as victims, and they like having an excuse to respond to the wrongs against them with cruelty. Using sex as a weapon "you aren't allowed to get it elsewhere, ever, but you won't get any physical affection at home either," is far worse than the marriage just being over. That's, as you say, well into the realm of extreme cruelty.

As for hormones, I cannot understand people who will not seek medical help for this sort of problem. If you're going to spend half of your life in the presence of your spouse, is spending that much of your life wallowing in anger and victimhood really worth the misery that people like this choose and inflict? I don't understand it.

My personal observation in this area is that going 6-10 weeks without sex is no big deal when there is a real reason (after each of our children were born comes to mind). There is no rejection, so there is no insult or resulting marital strain. For the same time period without sex and with no clear reason, I would find that extended and consistent a rejection to be a deadly insult, and I would assume the insult was intended. And a hidden medical issue that she didn't want to mention is no excuse. In a marriage, a couple should discuss everything serious. I've never experienced that big a problem, so I may be missing something in terms of understanding, but I doubt it.

78 posted on 03/10/2018 2:58:26 AM PST by Pollster1 ("Governments derive their just powers from the consent of the governed")
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To: Pray All Day
at least she wasn't busy tweeting her lesbian girlfriend

Perhaps she didn't want to risk accidental arousal during sex.

79 posted on 03/10/2018 2:59:31 AM PST by Pollster1 ("Governments derive their just powers from the consent of the governed")
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To: Pollster1

If you are that repelled by your husband maybe time to cut him loose. I don’t think a therapist can fix that.


80 posted on 03/10/2018 7:59:23 AM PST by Georgia Girl 2 (The only purpose of a pistol is to fight your way back to the rifle you should never have dropped)
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