Well, I guess you could say that when she was reading her book during those "marital encounters", at least she wasn't busy tweeting her lesbian girlfriend. (/s)
Posted on 03/09/2018 4:08:27 PM PST by Pollster1
Eight years into our marriage, sitting in a therapist’s office with my husband, I mustered all my courage and said my deepest, darkest truth: “When we have sex, I feel like I’m being violated.” The unwanted sex at times made me sick: Once I had to run straight from bed to the bathroom, where I retched into the toilet. I spared him and the therapist that detail.
My husband shrugged and, staring ahead with more indifference than disdain, replied, “She’s always so melodramatic.”
. . .
I acquiesced. At the time, it didn’t feel like a choice; it felt inevitable. I lived every evening dreading the signals of my husband’s desire. I bargained my way out of sex as often as I could. I gloried in being sick enough to have the right to refuse.
On the nights when I couldn’t get out of it, we used a method that I had taught myself to tolerate and that he, astoundingly, tolerated as well: I read a book to distract myself for as long as I could while he did the thing he needed to do. I did not let him kiss me for the last several years of our marriage. That was the rule . . . and I don’t have to pretend to like it. This satisfied him.
. . .
I am a humanities professor who teaches feminist theory, models feminist behavior for my students and my own children, and has achieved success in a male-dominated field. Last year, my teenage son and I chanted in support of women’s reproductive rights at the Women’s March in Washington . . .
(Excerpt) Read more at vox.com ...
Know why gay people are called gay?
Because they are happy.
Why are they happy?
They bang the gender they understand.
THERE YOU GO!!!! Bonemaker gets to the heart of the problem!
Happy and horny are not synonyms.
I had a mouth full of a liquid that is now covering my monitor. that was funny....
I don't think that's true. A small minority is more like it. Most women in my life are wonderful and the rest are mostly okay. I can't even say that I know a single "man hater."
man hating might be a regional pathology - I live in NYC
No we don't. I don't need to swim in the gutter with socialist activists. Go pound sand.
Why would post here advocating divorce for any reason? Just get lost.
I love that one!
[I love women, but radical feminists disgust me.]
I do apologize.
I’d offer you a new one, but at the current exchange rates, I think that would cost me 17,582.86 dollars for a decent one.
I know, it’s a terrible Trudeau joke.
If your wife doesn’t want you
You’re a LOSER. PERIOD
try giving her a ONE HOUR MASSAGE TO START
then get back to me. Kids
It would be nice if mutual consideration would fix this sort of marital problem, but my reading of her article does not suggest that you're right. It's hard to tell what he's really like because she's such a biased narrator, but I get the impression that it would not matter what he did. Most women I know are not like that, but I have known several women who come across like this feminist theory professor and are impossible to please.
I didn’t read the article; I don’t want to. But when a wife is unwilling to have sex with her husband but loves him and wishes to stay married to him, she (and he) often doesn’t know there is an underlying hormonal problem.
Having experimented with doses of all female hormones etc, due to a pituitary tumor and infertility, I know sex drive is nearly 100% hormonal. Why ignore this problem? Hormones are easy to supplement. And a woman doesn’t need testosterone at all to get a great boost by adding the others (though every woman should have a tiny bit of testosterone as well for well being). It is a LIE that bioidentical hormones cause cancer. They actually help prevent it.
The hormones MUST NOT COME BY MOUTH. No pills. That would be a cancer risk. There are many other ways for her to supplement hormones and bypass the digestive system and the direct to liver problem. On the skin, injectibles, vaginally, etc. it could be magic and help any woman enjoy not just sex but also life more.
Here is what I recently found, though, from a couple women I know, married over 15 years each. When I tell them of my experiences with hormones and the absences thereof, they seem interested in my stories, yet even when told this could make them stop rejecting their husbands, THEY REFUSE. I find this cruel. They are interested in thinking about hormones as the basis For sexual attraction and interest and response. But they have some dumb excuse not to try it, like blaming the husband for not being the perfect helper or understander or something. The lack of caring for their spouse is startling and I find it cruel.
They learn hormones could bring them back together sexually BUT THEY WONT TRY IT. It’s a horrible thing to turn against a spouse sexually, unless he has done something unforgivable and in that case, leave him. But this sexual abandonment is just cruel.
A woman was telling her circle of female friends about her experience spicing up her marriage using the methods of Fascinating Womanhood.
“Well, how did it work out?” one of them asked.
“I started moaning and groaning during sex like it said to do.”
“Yes? And then?”
“My husband told me to shut up; he couldn’t hear the television.”
In many cases, and certainly with this article, I agree with you, although I think it's unlikely that she ever loved her husband in any meaningful sense. It's possible that they both started out as terrible people who deserved each other, but it's certain that she was never a gem. Some weak people like seeing themselves as victims, and they like having an excuse to respond to the wrongs against them with cruelty. Using sex as a weapon "you aren't allowed to get it elsewhere, ever, but you won't get any physical affection at home either," is far worse than the marriage just being over. That's, as you say, well into the realm of extreme cruelty.
As for hormones, I cannot understand people who will not seek medical help for this sort of problem. If you're going to spend half of your life in the presence of your spouse, is spending that much of your life wallowing in anger and victimhood really worth the misery that people like this choose and inflict? I don't understand it.
My personal observation in this area is that going 6-10 weeks without sex is no big deal when there is a real reason (after each of our children were born comes to mind). There is no rejection, so there is no insult or resulting marital strain. For the same time period without sex and with no clear reason, I would find that extended and consistent a rejection to be a deadly insult, and I would assume the insult was intended. And a hidden medical issue that she didn't want to mention is no excuse. In a marriage, a couple should discuss everything serious. I've never experienced that big a problem, so I may be missing something in terms of understanding, but I doubt it.
Perhaps she didn't want to risk accidental arousal during sex.
If you are that repelled by your husband maybe time to cut him loose. I don’t think a therapist can fix that.
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