Smiles for Seniors

An old guy in his Volvo is driving home from work when his wife rings him on his carphone. “Honey”, she says in a worried voice, “be careful. There was a bit on the news just now, some lunatic is driving the wrong way down the freeway”. “It’s worse than that”, he replies, “there are hundreds of them!”

3. Which Restaurant? The two men were talking and one said, “We’ve been going to a new restaurant and it’s really great. I’d recommend it very highly.”

The first man thought awhile and finally said, “What are those flowers you send a woman you love? The ones with red petals and thorns?”

“That’s it,” said the man. He yelled to his wife, “Rose, what’s the name of the new restaurant we like?”

Four old retired men are walking down a street in Yuma, Arizona. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar - ALL drinks 10 cents."

They look at each other and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true.

The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you!

What'll it be, gentlemen?" There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini.

In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis shaken, not stirred and says, "That's 10 cents each, please."

The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying, That's 40 cents, please."

They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They've each had two martinis and haven't even spent a dollar yet.

Finally one of them says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?"

"I'm a retired tailor from Phoenix," the bartender says, "and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery Jackpot for $125 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime. Wine, liquor, beer it's all the same."

"Wow! That's some story!" one of the men says.

As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there.

Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the Bartender, "What's with them?"

The bartender says, "They're retired people from Florida. They're waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price, plus they all have coupons."

Ignore humblegunner. He’s an old guy yelling at the clouds.
Those were funny!

An elderly couple at the home spent a lot of time together in the TV room watching Vanna spin the wheel. They had become a fixture there, together on the couch every night, holding hands.
One evening he didn’t come by at 7:00 and while she was concerned, she just figured he was tired. The next night, however he didn’t show up again and she began to worry.
When on the third night he missed their rendezvous she went off in search.
It wasn’t long before she found him in another salon with another woman. They were holding hands in his lap looking very pleased as Vanna worked the puzzles.
“You scoundrel” she cried, “another woman!?”
“Is she younger than me?” she asked.
“No, no that’s not it” he replied.
“Is she richer?”
“No” he answered, “that’s not it either.”
Well, what does she have that I don’t have?” she pleaded sadly. To which he simply answered, “Parkinson’s”

Ninety year-old rich man marries 26 year-old hottie. On the second day of their honeymoon he slowly makes his way out to the hotel swimming pool where some of his friends are. He is pale, shaking, with bloodshot eyes.

Friend asks, “Harold, all this sex, don’t you think it’s a little dangerous?”

Harold says, “So what? If she dies, she dies.”

A man tells his doctor, “Doc, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ll be talking to someone and then all of a sudden I can’t even remember what I’m talking about.”

Doc says, “I see. How long has this been going on?”

“How long has what been going on?”

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