Excellent
Thanks for sharing
So the small-town pastor was visiting with the priest in the next town over, lamenting that someone had stolen his bicycle. The priest said “Well - practically everybody in town goes to your church. Why don't you do a sermon on the Ten Commandments and they'll feel so guilty about “Do not Steal” that they'll return it.
The next week the pastor comes pedaling down the road on his bike to visit the priest.
“Ha - I knew someone would return it to you!”
“Oh. Well not really. I got to the one about “Thou shalt not commit adultery - and remembered where I had left it.”
Protestants don’t recognize the Pope as the head of the Church, Jews don’t recognize Jesus as the Messiah, and Baptists don’t recognize each other at the liquor store.
A Sunday school teacher asked her students, “Why is it necessary to be quiet in church?” A small girl replied, “Because so many people are sleeping!”
I was listening to a sermon about sin. The pastor asked, “Who’s sin was greater, Adam’s or Eve’s? Eve listened to Satan, a superior intellect. Adam listened to a woman.”
An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter checks his book, and not seeing his name there, accidentally sends him to Hell.
It doesn’t take long before the engineer becomes dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell. He begins to design and build improvements. Shortly thereafter, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators. Needless to say, the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan and says: “So, how are things in Hell?” Satan replies: “Things are going great. We have air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators. There’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.”
“What!” God exclaims: “You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake; he should never have been sent to Hell. Send him to me.”
“Not a chance,” Satan replies: “I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him!”
God insists: “Send him back or I’ll sue.”
Satan laughs and answers: “Yeah, right. And where are you going to get a lawyer?”
Where there are four Episcopalians, there is always a fifth.
Do you know why Baptists don’t have sex standing up? Because it leads to dancing.
When I was a young’un there were three denominations in our county.
The son’s of the Lutherans were the biggest drinkers in the county.
The daughters of the Methodists were the loosest girls around.
When a Baptists son got drunk and impregnated a girl it was always the Lutherans and Methodists who got the blame.
Danny O’Reilly sat down in the confessional one day.
“Father” he said, “last night I had a night of passionate lovemaking with a young lady.”
“Was It Susan O’Mally?” the priest asked.
“Father I promised the lady her name would never leave my lips” Danny replied.
“Was It Libby O’Neill?”
“By my honor Father, I can not tell.”
“Was it Karen Patrick?”
“Again Father, I can not break my promise.”
Duly impressed with young Danny’s refusal to break his promise the priest absolved him and sent him on his way.
As Danny was leaving he passed his buddy Sean.
“What didya get” Sean asked.
“Three good leads” Danny replied.
A true story and not religion related, though my parents are now with the Lord:
My father was the true definition of a ‘gently man,’ however, he was not a good joke teller. One night at the dinner table, he made an attempt that began with, “Stop me if you’vs heard this one.” As my father uttered the first syllable, I exclaimed, “Stop!” My mother exploded in laughter, and my father turned beet red and fell silent. He took it all in his usual good humor, but I regret to this day having thwarted his attempt at humor. He no longer told jokes after that incident. I’m an engineer, and when I (hopefully) get to Heaven, I intend to render a heartfelt apology and encourage my father to tell all the jokes he wishes. My mother and I will listen intently and laugh loudly at every punchline.
thanks
“Folks, I have bad news, good news, and bad news. First the bad news, the roof has to be replaced. The good news is, the church has the money to do it. The bad news is, its still in your pockets.”