[sodpoodle]

more laughs at the link. Enjoy

[RinaseaofDs]

You can’t trust atoms . . . .

. . . . they make up everything.

[Leaning Right]

> One of the Policemen said to old guy, “I thought you said that you’d shot them!” The wise old man said, “I thought you said there was nobody available!” <

A wiser old man would have said, “I meant shot them with a camera. You, know, took their picture.”

(Not as funny, but certainly wiser.)

[bar sin·is·ter]

WIFE: Honey, I was just at the gynecologist and she said I can’t have sex for 3 weeks

HUSBAND: What did the dentist say?

[Diana in Wisconsin]

Q. What Nationality is Santa Claus?

A. He’s North Pole-ish! (’North Polish,’ for those in Rio Linda...)

[BenLurkin]

Why is Christmas just like your job?

You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

[Cruising Speed]

Two neutrinos went into a bar.
Nothing happened.
They were just passing through.

[Mathews]

A blonde walks into a NYC bank and requests a $5,000 dollar loan. The banker asks her what she'll be using as collateral and she says, “my Rolls Royce. It's parked outside.” Well, the banker is astonished, but he goes through the process and finds everything checks out. She is who she says she is and the car is really hers. He hands her the check and she hands him the keys to the Rolls which is immediately parked in the bank's underground parking garage.
Two weeks later, the blonde woman returns and pays back the loan plus about $15 dollars in interest for the two weeks. The banker says, “We checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire, why would you need a $5,000 loan?” The blonde replied,”Where else in NYC can I safely park a Rolls Royce for two weeks for only $15?”

[NEMDF]

Reminds me of (years ago), we had to have our bookkeeper arrested for embezzlement. The boss and I went down to the police station with the evidence, and talked to the detective. Meanwhile the bookkeeper was at work, unaware of the fact that we were on to her.

The police detective said it was not something they could send anyone out for, for a few days, since it was “white collar”, and no threat of violence or injury was occurring.

So my boss said, “if you don’t send someone out to arrest her TODAY, there WILL BE violence or injury”. A huge detective was at the office about an hour after we got back, to slap the cuffs on her.

[Huskrrrr]

If you’re not part of the solution....you’re part of the precipitate.

[red-dawg]

[Bob434]

time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana (author unknown)

[bunkerhill7]

Q. Where does Old St. Nick hang his clothes?
A. The Santa Closet.

[Neoliberalnot]

Good one poodle.

[Vendome]

I’d love to vacation in outer space and take a picture of the earth and convert it to a postcard.

I’d send it to my friends “Wish you were here...”

[ExTexasRedhead]

https://www.liveleak.com/view?i=7dd_1513962703

12 Days of Christmas

[real saxophonist]

Someone once called me a 'dirty old man'.

I said, I am not OLD!

[Diana in Wisconsin]

I’m passing this on because it worked for me, today! Dr. Oz, on TV, said that to reach Inner Peace we should always finish things we start...and we all could use more calm in our lives during the hectic Christmas Season. I looked around my house to find things I’d started and hadn’t finished, so I finished off a bottle of wine, a bottle of whiskey, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiuminun scriptins, an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how fablus I feel rite now! Sned this to all who need inner piss. An telum u luvum!

[packrat35]

My Boobs Are Ok
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4SA58OXS4j8

[Ronald_Magnus]

What do you call an escaped midget clairvoyant?

A small medium at large.

[GoldenPup]

Have seen this before and just as funny.