"I am very distressed to learn that Mr. Badger. I've only just now seen the film strip made about the tragedy. It has synchronized sound! Unbelievable. But it's less than accurate in many places. For instance, I was the one who had the love affair with the young lady and sketched her naked form. Only it was actually 6 young ladies, not just the one. We certainly didn't befoul any of the fine automobiles we were transporting, however. I confined all such activities to my stabbin' cabin. It also omits my epic battle with the giant octopus."
Breaking news into the sports desk. Reports out of New York are that Eli Manning has been benched in favor of....Geno Smith 
. Eli, do have any comment?
"No, it's serious. You see, I'm trying get fired."