Skip to comments.Why are good men so hard to find?
Posted on 09/24/2017 3:31:11 PM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
Spend a little time with single women in their early to mid-30s, and you'll be grateful you're not one of them. The relationship scene is even more dismal today than when I was their age. All the women want serious relationships that lead to marriage, but many of the men they meet do not. All too often a woman moves in with some guy, hoping they're on the road to somewhere. Two years later, he tells her he's not ready for marriage and kids just yet. Splat.
But wait. Hasn't online dating made the mating market easier? Yes for men. If you really want to hear a woman rant, just utter the word Tinder.
Single women are more equal and empowered than ever before. They have unparalleled sexual, reproductive and economic autonomy. In many ways, they're doing much better than the men. (Just look at the lopsided university graduation rates, which are now around 60-40). And yet, large numbers of young women admit their private lives are a sad mess.
If you're a gender studies major, stop reading here. You're going to hate what I've got to say next. I don't like it much myself.
In a nutshell, over the past few decades, the traditional relationship exchange has broken down. It used to be that men and women each had something the other really needed. Men needed access to sex. Women needed access to resources. Men couldn't get steady access to sex unless they had resources to offer, so they worked hard for them. The partnership between men and women was a grand bargain that (usually) left both sides better off.
For men, sex was traditionally expensive. The price tag was a long-term commitment to provide for a woman (and children). But today, sex is cheap. And that changes everything.
This is the premise of a bracing new book, Cheap Sex, by American sociologist Mark Regnerus. Sex got cheap because of three technological developments: the advent of the Pill, which divorced fertility from sex; the onset of mass-produced, high-quality pornography; and the arrival of online dating sites, which make it easy for men to find willing sex partners.
Sexual liberation is a fabulous thing in some ways. But it can also turn men into louts, because women don't expect much in return for access. Today, most men can have all the sex they want for very little cost no fancy dinner required. The irony, as Mr. Regnerus writes, is that today's mating market is probably more dominated by men's interests than ever before.
When women complain that marriageable men (sober, steady good providers) are harder to find than ever, they may well be right. The marriage rate is falling steadily, especially among the lower middle class, while long-term stable marriage is increasingly a privilege reserved for the better off.
A lot of women seem to have their act together these days. But a lot of men don't. "I think the greatest, most astonishing fact that I am aware of in social science right now is that women have been able to hear the labour market screaming out 'You need more education' and men have not," MIT economics professor Michael Greenstone says in Cheap Sex.
What might explain this puzzling fact? Men don't have to prove themselves as providers any more. They can get all the sex they want anyway including online porn on demand that can make the real thing feel mildly disappointing. (Ask younger women about men and porn. You'll get an earful.)
Like it or not, women have always been the gatekeepers for sex not because they don't like sex, too, but because (no matter what you learned in gender studies) men's sex drive is innately higher. This means it's up to us to make the rules. "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" my father used to say. It drove me crazy when he said that. Now, it's dawned on me that he was right.
Since the women's cartel collapsed, women's bargaining power has seriously eroded. That's why so many single women hate Tinder, which has further commodified sex for the benefit of men. Women are just another consumer good in the shop window.
It may take a village to raise a child. But it takes a village to raise a husband, too. And modern society has largely abdicated from the job. "Good husband material doesn't occur naturally, but is instead the product (in part) of socialization, development, and social control," Mr. Regnerus writes. "[I]n the domain of sex and relationships men will act as nobly as women collectively demand."
Time to get our act together, ladies. If we don't, they won't either.
I dont know. My wife’s still looking :)
Great quote by who the hell knows? I forget..
“Used to be women traded sex for a lifetime of love. Now the trade it for a drink or a dinner”
>>But it takes a village to raise a husband, too. And modern society has largely abdicated from the job.
LBJ’s Great Society’s Legacy. Gov’t replaced the male head of household. It all went downhill from there.
How about we return to how God intended it to be?
. All too often a woman moves in with some guy,
Free milk! Free milk!
Great idea if only it could be done.
And it turns women into sluts.
The bigger question is, why are hard men good to find. We should take a pole.
Because we find good women. And, like the Upper Paleolithic Hunter Gatherers we are, we are good at locating and protecting them.
We are also good at spotting nasty groupthinking harpies.
Free Love made cheap women cheaper. Economics 101
“But today, sex is cheap. And that changes everything.”
No, it’s dangerous for the guy.
What will we do with the “pole?” Hang a flag on it?
Anyone who writes that men prefer porn and masturbation over a real live woman is a dullard at best.
If good men are in short supply don’t be surprised that good women are likewise scarce. If sex is cheap it’s because people have become cheap. Don’t expect much good to arise from a cesspool.
Because good women are hard to find, too? It’s difficult on both sides.
Today’s women are strong and smart. That’s good. Unfortunately I prefer women who are weak and stupid.
The simp who wrote this article claimed that women were ‘more equal and empowered’ without making the obvious link between these completely subjective criteria and the precarious dating scene.
If empowerment and equality are defined as viewing, by default, every male as a predator, abuser, sexist, etc. then she shouldn’t be surprised when men’s instincts for self preservation kick in.
Okay, that didn't make any sense. I need to get back to the slyly couched sexual innuendo theme.
> Free Love made cheap women cheaper. Economics 101
It also put birth control hormones into the drinking water which created so many males with sub-normal typical male attributes.
Given the freight that comes with a real woman,
maybe it’s not such a bad deal.
You can find a handsome guy or a smart guy, but not both.
You used to date a woman.
You date a whole phalanx of Woman Protection Industry people, with the woman walking in the very back rank of that formation.
The equation has changed.
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