* The Doctor gave a man six months to live.
The man couldn’t pay his bill so the doctor gave him
another six months.
* The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying,
“Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. “
Mrs. Cohen answered, “So did my arthritis!”
* Doctor: “You’ll live to be 60!”
Patient: “I am 60!”
Doctor: “See! What did I tell you?”
* Patient: “I have a ringing in my ears.”
Doctor: “Don’t answer!”
* A drunk was in front of a judge.
The judge says, “You’ve been brought here for drinking.”
The drunk says “Okay, let’s get started.”
* Why do Jewish divorces cost so much?
They’re worth it.
The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now.
There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins.
In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it graduates from medical school.
Q: Why don’t Jewish mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.
Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence!
A man called his mother in Florida ,
“Mom, how are you?”
“Not too good,” said the mother. “I’ve been very weak.”
The son said, “Why are you so weak?”
She said, “Because I haven’t eaten in 38 days.”
The son said, “That’s terrible. Why haven’t you eaten in 38 days?”
The mother answered, “Because I didn’t want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call.”
A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play.
She asks, “What part is it?”
The boy says, “I play the part of the Jewish husband.”
The mother scowls and says, “Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part.”
Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: (Sigh) “Don’t bother. I’ll sit in the dark. I don’t want to be a nuisance to anybody.”
Short summary of every Jewish holiday:
They tried to kill us. We won. Let’s eat.
Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the street and said, “Lady, I haven’t eaten in three days.”
“Force yourself,” she replied.
Q: What’s the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.
Q: Why are Jewish men circumcised?
A: Because Jewish women don’t like anything that isn’t 20% off.
A-a-h! Memories of the good ole days!
Thanx for this thread.
Love it...thanks!
Proving anyone can smile, these are offered. All signs seen from Seattle Propane
_____________________
Cure for an obsession is to get another one.
I’m Still HOT
It just comes in flashes now
The first 5 days after the weekend are the hardest
I child proofed my house but kids still get in
Ban Pre-shredded cheese, Make AMERICA grate again
If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler
The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
Does 7 days without meat make one week.
Hold the door open for a clown. It’s a nice jester.
The second mouse gets the cheese.
My reality check bounced.
If pride comes before a fall, humility should come by winter.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
Between two evils I always pick the one I never tried.
Ants are healthy because they are little anti bodies
Frog parking only. All others will be toad.
Went to the Air and Space Museum but there was nothing there.
Is there ever a day when mattresses are not on sale?
I was addicted to the hokey pokey but I turned myself around.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?